Confessions of a Scaredy Cat...

One of the things I've learned lately is that I'm a little bit of a control freak. And when I don't know what's going to happen, I become really scared. Not to say that I take pleasure in bossing everyone around, but I do like to feel like I'm in control of my own life. Change has always been a hard thing for me because I like a set plan. I admire my friends that can just jump in the car and take off, not even knowing the final goal of where they are going. I can't do that. I can jump in a car and take off not knowing steps along the way, but I at least have to have a final goal in mind. I can call up my cousin and say "Hey, let's go on a road trip to Canada." not knowing anything else but it's okay. Eventually we will make it to Canada.

I know what I want in life. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations. When it comes to my will, I'm pretty strong. But one of the things that God has been saying to me lately is that it shouldn't be my will, but his. And sometimes His will doesn't follow the plan that I laid out. But that's what the spirit of God does when He tests you. It shakes your foundations and uproots you. And then you have to make a choice of who to follow. Matthew 6:24 tells us that you cannot serve two masters. Either you serve your sinful nature, or you serve God. And if you want to serve God, well then you need to trust Him.

Christ had to do this too. In Matthew 26:42 he prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." Christ knew that he was going to suffer the most horrific death you can imagine. We're talking tremendous amounts of pain. And it terrified him. He sweated blood it stressed him out so much. But still he stepped out in obedience.

We must follow this example. When we step out it will most likely be hard. It will be scary because we don't know what's going to happen. For someone like me that is a most terrifying thought. But this is where trust comes in. It's so easy to say, but so hard to do sometimes.

But something that I find tremendous comfort in is that I may not know what the future may hold, but God does. I may have worry about my dad's job, or my job, or school, or my love life, or my future career etc, but God's already got it worked out. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I’m learning. Slowly, painfully, tearfully, imperfectly. I’m learning what God is trying to teach me about worry and trust.

“Rachel, here’s the deal…I told you that I’ll never leave you or forsake you. Others may have promised that and bailed, but I’m not them. I’m Me. I’m God. And I am not a man that I should lie. Simply put, you’re never alone. Ever. You might feel like you are, but you’re not.

Next, you need to understand that I understand your worries and your fears. I know that life is hard. I’ve never sugar coated that. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” is how I put it in Psalm 34. You’re living in a broken world. Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune from that. Your problems are real. That is not lost on Me.

You need to understand something else. And it may not make sense to you. But everything that happens in your life, good and bad, passes through My sovereign hand. If I allow it, I have a reason for it. That doesn’t mean I cause bad things. It means I work all things, even the bad things, for good in your life. There are no loose ends in your life not connected to my perfect purpose.

You’ve asked me a few times, “Why am I allowing this to happen?” It’s a fair question. If I love you, why don’t I spare you? You might not like this, either. But there’s more at stake here than your present circumstances. See, I care more about your character than your comfort. I need you to come to grips with your faults, the things you need to change for your good and My glory. I need you to learn to trust Me with the injustices in your life. I need you to go through this. Not around it. The hard stuff, the pain, it’s all part of the process of making you like Jesus. And you have no idea how committed I am to that process.

I know heaven seems far away right now. That’s why I need you to believe Me when I say take life one day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own. The things you need, I’ll provide. I promise. It’s about depending on Me every day. That’s why Jesus called it “our daily bread”. Just do the next thing in front of you and trust me. Don’t waste your time on the “what if’s” about tomorrow. I’m already there. And I’m working in ways you can’t see or understand.

So keep talking to Me. All the time. It’s the best thing you can do. Don’t polish it, don’t edit it. Don’t spiritualize it. Just bring it. The angst. The tears. The passion. The needs. Just bring it. Your worries plus you equals fear. Your worries plus Me equals peace. And my peace passes all understanding.

Whether your circumstances get better or worse…and yes, they could get worse, remember that nothing separates you from My love. Come hell or high water, I love you. I’m for you. Do I need to state the obvious? If God is for you, who can be against you?

I'm for you. So keep going. Just step out."

-God