Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Confessions of a People Watcher...

Have you ever just sat and watched people? I mean not in the creepy, psycho way, but just with the naive innocent, curious way? It's fascinating what you will find. People do the funniest things, if only you could capture it. Hmm, maybe that's why I love photography so much.


Anyway, the other day I sat and just watched. You know, there's a lot you can tell about people by the way they interact. But something I also realized is that with people watching you have to be careful. Because it is amazing how fast those "perceptions" turn into judgements and comparisons.


And it got me thinking. I'm too quick to judge others. Just last week I heard a quote that said "Only the Christian army turns around and shoots its wounded." And you know, they're right in a way. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not advocating total tolerance. Not by any means. There are some things that are, in their very nature, sin. And Christ is very clear on his intolerance of sin. But I think too many times we condemn someone by what they do and the mistakes they make, and not who they really are- someone who has received the grace of Christ. We turn into courtrooms instead of hospitals and neglect to realize we are in no position to be the judge. In fact, I've been a pretty crappy nurse lately. I thought about this and I kind of had one of those mirror/self-reflection moments. I realized, I definitely wouldn't want someone looking at me and judging me based off of my past mistakes.


The call of the Christian is not to condemn. It is compassion. It is discernment. It is accountability. Because when you look at the big picture, we're all screw ups. We are all in need of grace. None of us deserve any blessings that have been given us. And that's where I believe the difference lies. We are not at any place to condemn, but are called to accountability. We're not on a high horse, but rather stuck in the mud with everybody else. But that's where humility and compassion come in. It's recognizing yes, you messed up. Yes, I messed up. No, that is NOT okay. Yes, there needs to be a change. I mean even Matthew 7 which says in it's very first verse "Do not judge or you too will be judged" later goes on to say in verse 6 "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Don't be a fool and completely tolerant. Keep your convictions, just not the condeming attitude.


Because that's really in it's core what sets us apart. Being intolerant and recognizing sin as sin, but recognizing grace and love of our Savior and mirroring them. Recognizing that we are just as much in need of forgiveness and pardoning of sins, and pointing to the only one who can offer it. Because let's face it, the world has enough judgement as it it. We are constantly being rated on the way we look, dress, act, how much money we make, our relationships, what kind of cars we drive etc. The last thing they need is more from someone who is called to "Do everything in love" (1 Corinthians 16:14) And accountability is a huge part of love.


Now, if y'all will excuse me I'm going to go ice my bucked-off-the-high-horse kicked butt.


"Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."- Plato


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Confessions of a Delayed Thanksgiving...

I am blessed with great friends, great family, and hilarious moments. I swear sometimes I should make a video diary of my life, compile it into film, and title it "Yes. That. Really. Just. Happened." I mean I've never really been unhappy with my life, but I'm realizing now it's in the little things. The little gestures that just make you laugh when you look back and remember them. You just can't help but smile. It's truly beautiful.


So my friends, I'm making a motion that every day should be Thanksgiving. And I'm not just talking about unlimited pumpkin pie. Because even when life isn't so beautiful, there is still a reason to smile. Someone wise once said, "A day without laughter is a day wasted" and I completely agree. So, the question remains, how do we find joy when there is nothing but sadness and devastation around? I mean, after all it's a command. 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."


In Christ Jesus. That's the key. Because no matter what happens, no matter what goes wrong or who abandons you, His grace and love never will. You will never fall out of His hands. So respond to it.


It's such a simple truth, yet it's amazing how much more of an optimist it can make you. Knowing that every day you wake up and can breathe and have life, you are unbelievably blessed.


If anyone had a reason to have a negative attitude, it was the apostle Paul. I mean think about it, the guy had been in prison, beaten, scourged, beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, and poor. But through all this, he remained positive. Why? Paul had "learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need" (Phil. 4:12). "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me," (Phil. 4:13).


Paul's attitude was, "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God" (Rom. 8:28). Paul knew that God used everything in his life for good, even when suffering greatly for the cause of Christ.


And that is something to be thankful for. The hope that even in the crappiest of situations, no matter what you've done, God is still God. And that God is one pretty awesome guy.


The greatest blessing you can ever give and receive is life. Even Jesus said "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) He gave His for us. To save us so we could live.


Through grace and love and mercy we have life. And what an amazing life it is. Full of innumerable blessings worthy of the highest praise. All you have to do is start looking. And once you do, you are truly thankful.


"I Love this crazy tragic, sometimes, almost magic. Awful beautiful life."

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Confessions of a Crappy Blogger...

The New Year always brings resolutions. But for me it's mostly a time for reflections. A chance to look back on the previous year and see the good, the bad, the ugly. So, as I was randomly sitting contemplating my existence one night a thought occurred to me. I haven't been blogging lately. As a not so subtle sign, that same week I received a letter in the mail from a pen pal saying she missed reading my blogs. Then, this past week another dear friend of mine again questioned why the "Confessions of a..." had suddenly disappeared. Well, this thought really bothered me. Because I read back through all the other confession blogs and I was amazed at what God was teaching me. I was amazed at how passionate I had been for Him. I was amazed at how much He had almost made a ministry out of taking a few short minutes a couple of times a week and blogging. So I asked myself, why haven't I been blogging lately?

The answer my friends, not so great. Why haven't I been blogging lately? I can lie and tell you it's because I've been busy. I can say there was just too much to do. I can say God had called me to other ministries. But that's not actually what happened. The truth? I stopped being inspired. And I stopped being inspired because I stopped looking for inspiration (God).

Now, normally I'm not one for regrets, but I kind of feel like this past semester was a waste. I mean, yeah I got the majority of the class work that needed to be done finished, but I realized, I really didn't feel like me this semester. And I began to wonder what changed. I'll tell you what changed- where I sought my identity.

See I've been the textbook example of "on-fire Christian who buys into the lies of the world" this past semester. And let me just say, it doesn't work. I put my identity in what others thought of me. I became a people pleaser doing things and saying things to feel accepted and included. But what did I end up with? A ruined self-esteem and like a permanent state of PMS-I was seriously a you-know-what this past semester. I got so frustrated because I knew that this "girl" that I'd fashioned and was displaying was not who I really was. It was truly an identity crisis. I'd look in the mirror and not even recognize her.

Luke 9:23,25, "Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?'"

Well, it’s no wonder I’m having an identity crisis! I have forfeited my very self! I was defined by God. He was my Maker, my Creator, my Savior, my Father, my LORD. And I, not Him, but I have removed myself. I’ve thrown Him to the wind and said, “Forget you God. You don’t define me anymore. I define me.” Biggest mistake I have ever made. Because I am NOTHING without Christ. I have no purpose, no motivation, no anything. And now I am a heartbroken lover, standing by the side wishing for things to go back to the way they were. Wondering how they ever stopped being the way they were. Consumed by my idol. Given in to temptation.

I feel like a crazy ex-girlfriend. I miss God. I miss having Him on my mind. I miss talking to Him fervently. I miss hearing His voice. I miss my quiet times. I miss His Joy. I miss Peace. I miss being able to blog about what He has been teaching me. I miss looking, seeing, and being amazed at how He was involved in every tiniest minutest detail of my life. Dare I say, I even miss the conviction of trusting Him with my love life.

My identity changed when I forsook my first love. And I forsook my first love for acceptance. Acceptance which I really didn't get in the end anyway. It's like Ecclesiastes says- Meaningless! It's all meaningless!

But this changes now. So what if people don't like me? So what if they ridicule me because I'm "religious". I am who I am. And I am a child of God. I was stupid to think I could ever be anything but! He defines me. I'm sorry world, but you're out! You've done WAY more harm than good.

The good news in all this? Grace. As my very wise sunday school teacher put it, "You can take thousands of steps away from God, but it only takes one to turn you back around."

So, 2011 school year and blogs- Here's lookin' at you kid!

"I don't want you to know where I am 'cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been. This is no place to try and live my life. Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line. Well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said That it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back. I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again. 'Cause who I am hates who I've been. WHO I AM HATES WHO I'VE BEEN."-Reliant K