Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic...

As a hopeless romantic I have always had the dream of meeting my prince charming. Some guy who is perfect. He is sweet, protective, beautiful, zealous of life, understanding, a man of integrity, etc. He will say just the right things and hold me just the right ways. We will spend hours laughing and cuddling under the stars at the beach. He will fulfill all of my romantic fantasies. And that's when I know it's love right? Wrong! Because what I've realized lately is that's just what this type of love is. It's fantasy. Do we as women deserve some guy who will treat us right? Of course. We are the daughters of a King. But if this is all you expect your man to be then you are sorely going to be disappointed. Because something that I've realized lately is that this is an extremely shallow version of love. But sadly, this is all most girls hope to get.

There will come a day when prince charming will hurt you. It will not be romantic bliss every day of your life. You may say, "Well we're so much alike I don't know what we could possibly fight about. I can't imagine us being mad at each other." This may sound ridiculous, but I've known people that have one hundred percent believed it. I know I've even thought at some time. But again, this is such a shallow concept to the depth and intimacy of love. These things are physical. But love is deeper than that. We know this according to 1 Corinthians 13. Love is Spiritual. God is Holy. God is Love. Therefore, Love is Holy and Sanctified.

Part of the reason we engage in relationships is to feed each other. You feed him and he feeds you. You both grow and learn based off of what the other person is feeding you. That is marriage. It is a holy union in which two people grow and learn from each other in the desire to come together and be closer to God. That is why in what I have realized, if I want to be with someone who is intimate and truly knows God on a deep deep level, than I need to. If I want to marry a man of integrity and conviction, than I need to be the same. I need to be able to contribute.

Here's the other problem I have with fairytales- they don't allow room for the continual practice of grace and forgiveness. In the romantic novel sections you will find countless books detailing the perfect worldly husband. And just to make him seem more human, the author gives him a flaw. But if you notice, its always one that can be easily overlooked. Then the big one happens. He or she does something that completely upsets the relationship. And they now have to decide whether or not to continue. But you know how The Notebook ends. You know that Bella flies to Volterra to save Edward after he's left her. But this is incredibly shallow. Because in reality Bella is going to have to forgive Edward colossally several more times. Your marriage will not be blissful once you get the one big problem workout out. Being in love is a test. A constant test.

This whole concept of grace and forgiveness then takes love to an even deeper level. A level which I have realized I don't understand. I look at my parents. They have one of the strongest marriages, but I know first hand it's not without its flaws. They still hold hands in public. My dad will still spontaneously surprise my mom with flowers. They still sit on the couch and love being with each other. They make each of laugh. They are still entralled with each other after all this time. I see this romantic love and I yearn for it. But if romantic love is as deep as you get, then you haven't really experienced the full depth of love. Because I've also seen the days when they've screamed at each other. I mean, who hasn't? And on those days I begin to question, "What makes them stay?" Why would you put up with this day after day? This is where I draw a blank sometimes. This is where I realize that despite how much I loved someone, I never understood what it meant to love them unconditionally. To love someone unconditionally is to to be constantly practicing grace and forgiveness.

I think this is where a good portion of marriages turn into divorces (aside from infidelity or if one person just wants out). I think we get burnt on forgiveness and practicing grace over and over so we just give up.

But marriage is by far a huge blessing. There is a level of intimacy that is reached only in the confines of marriage. This unconditional love is the closest model of our relationship with Christ. We are the bride of Christ. The only difference is, Christ's grace never fails. He IS the perfect husband. Why a perfect being would constantly want a relationship with us seems unfathomable. We don't deserve it. But he continues because He loves us unconditionally. And he values us as a husband values his wife times a billion. She is more dear to him than anything, including life itself. Think about the cross. And the bride waits earnestly for his return.

There are three things that could make a bride not desire her husband. First, she is not confident of his love for her. We must know how much Christ loves us. This is seen at the cross. In the book I'm reading called, A Call To Die, David Nasser writes, "The cross of Christ is not only the source of our salvation; it is our highest motivation. Our dearest example of obedience. it draws us to rich intimacy with one who love us that much.

Another reason the bride wouldn't wait in earnest would be that she barely knows her groom. Yet, he still desires a relationship with her. Still, she does not spend enough time with Him. You get the analogy. Prayer, quiet time, worship, reading the Word.

Third, she has given her heart to someone else. When you think of your future what gives you hope and joy? That will be your god. Remember first and foremost that your heart is God's. It belongs to Him, so it needs to go out to Him.

So, can we still have our romantic dreams? Oh gosh I hope so! They're the only thing that gets me through school. Is it wrong to desire to fall in love? Absolutely not. But remember, you only have one perfect prince charming. And He is all you need. Everything else is just a blessing. And He will love you the most. If you want to better understand what it means to love unconditionally- to love even when your heart breaks- then look to Christ. Lord knows we break His heart enough. And remember my hopeless romantics- be patient. Because God is writing your love story of which He is the star. Hosea 2:19-20, "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD."