Confessions of a Working Gal...

Being a working girl has changed me. As I was walking back home around 9:30 after my shift I was contemplating how my life was not my own. I've sold my soul to the 49er shops. But then as I continued on my walk I realized I'm being too possesive. My life, as a servant of Christ, bought by His blood, is not my own. I gave it up the minute I surrendered. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20) And that got me thinking about truly being surrendered. This demands confession because I am still claiming my life as my own. But its not. My life cannot be set apart from Christ. I'm His (Isaiah 43:1).

Last semester a friend of mine and I came to this very interesting point. This is one of the reasons we're best friends, because we seem to go through stuff together. But anyway, one day she texted me and said "Rachel, the closer I'm getting to God now the more I see. The more I see the more I begin to realize that I've never really fully surrendered." This is how amazing it is when God works. The morning before she sent me this text I had just written pretty much the same thing in my journal. Freaky!

But she was right. I had offered up myself, but never given 100%. I'd been a christian since I was 8, but I had never died to my old self completely. I still wanted to be my own "self."

Total surrender is putting all out there on the table. The angst, the tears, the anger, the joy, the love, the laughter, the life. God wants all of you. All the parts as far as He can see, because there is not a part of you He doesn't. So yield the ownership and be content with being a caretaker.

John 3:30, "He must become greater; I must become less." Sometimes dying to self is painful. Because we're afraid that we won't be the same person. Here's a news flash for you- you won't. You can never be the same person! God will change you and make you into something new and better. Ezekiel 36:26, "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."And, if we are really willing to surrender something to Christ, we need to be ready for Him to say, "Yeah, that's gotta go." But this, of course, is not easy because we are such a possessive people.

But it's a test. A test of how far you're willing to go. A test of how much you're willing to follow. A test of how much you've really surrendered. Because here's the thing, if it still bugs you. If it's all you think about. If you still do it, then you haven't given it up yet, you've just deceived yourself into thinking you had.

True surrender comes when you realize, My life is not my own. It never was. I've been bought. I am a bondservant of Christ. And yes, that does mean consciously giving up my will. Making the choice. That does mean not putting myself first. That does mean (here's the word that nobody likes) utter submission. Ooo yeah, it hurts to say doesn't it? Because it recognizes, it was never about me. This love relationship, has nothing to do with me whatsoever. And you may say, "well I don't like the idea of being a bondservant because it makes me sound like a slave to a ruthless master." But you're not. For one thing you're master is not ruthless and for another, you are a slave- a slave to love. David Nasser explains this best, "In his letters, Paul often calls himself and us bondservants. Moses gives us a beautiful description of a bondservant in Exodus 21. In those days, a Hebrew who owed too much to another would become an indentured servant, a slave, until he paid off his debt. On the day he was to be set free, the slave had a choice. If the master had been loving toward him, he could choose to remain as a bondslave, one who had chosen to remain because he wanted to continue to enjoy his master's love and kindness. If that was his choice, his ear was pierced with a tool as a sign to all that being loved was more important to him than being free. It is the same with you and me."

Here I am, Lord. Have me.

"So take this life let it be all I am, all of me. Here I am use me for your glory. In everything I say and do let my life honor you..."