Confessions of a Broken Toe...

Well my friends, it seems another bone in this body is once again broken. But don't fret, I am well on my way to recovery. A little ice, some elevation, 3 or 4 advil, and a huge amount of patience and I'll be good as new. So, why is this so hard? Because there is pain. But even in the pain, you have to have patience that the pain will eventually cease. So, as I'm sitting here in agony (ha ha actually its really not that bad) I reflect on patience.

Patience has never been easy for me. I know, it's shocking isn't it? Some people can wait for hours for something and not think twice about it. Me? Not so much. LA traffic thoroughly exasperates me. Especially when I'm trying to go home. Winter/Summer breaks never seem to come fast enough. I hate just sitting in the dorm doing nothing. But lately that's all I've been able to do. Indeed, it seems the hardest part of being patient isn't waiting for good things to come, but rather for bad things to pass.

Because here's the thing. When you're not patient, it's wearisome. I thoroughly believe with the loss of patience there is the loss of peace. That's why Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." When we loose our pateince we become disheartened pessimists. Isn't it interesting how our outlooks on life completely change when we just have to sit and wait? It forces us to think bigger than ourselves. If forces us to rely on one who can and does control the situation. When we are left helpless we become blatantly aware of our need for God.

And sometimes it's hard to wait. God's answer is not always immediately yes or no. And when this happens as it currently is with the Dominican and Sea World battle I sit there thinking "Ah, God this is so frustrating! Why can't You just tell me?" But then He comes back with, "Because I already know. I'm all knowing and you're not ready yet. You need to trust me a little more with this. You need a little more pateince." I almost cringe at the word now because I know what it entails.

Patience is a call to endure and trust. And it's a strong determination of will to do so. So why go through the efforts? Because God is patient. 2 Peter 3:15, "Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him." I'm so glad that our God is patient or I would not have a hope in the world.

From this we take a lesson from Exodus 32. The Hebrews were finally free from Egypt, and they were sitting at the foot of Mount Sinai waiting for Moses to come back down from the mountain. Several of the people became restless and went to Aaron requesting that some gods be created for them to follow. So Aaron took their gold and created a sculpture of a calf. The people began to celebrate in "pagan revelry." The celebration angered the Lord, who told Moses that He was going to destroy the people. Moses prayed for their safety, and the Lord allowed the people to live. Yet, Moses was so angry with their impatience that he ordered that those not on the Lord's side be killed. The Lord then sent a "great plague upon the people because they had worshiped the calf Aaron had made."

I find this somewhat ironic. Here is a people that had literally waited for decades to be free from the Egyptians. They had just witnessed God part the Red Sea and completely wipe out the Egyptian army. They had seen what He had done to the firstborn of those who turned their backs on Him. Now all of a sudden, Moses goes up to Mt. Sinai and they're like "Oh, God's abandoned us!" We read this story and sit back and almost laugh at the idiocy. But this is no laughing matter. How many times has God proven Himself faithful to me? Well, how many days have I been alive?

Not only did the Hebrew's impatience bring an immediate plague, but it had consequences down the road too. Eventually it cost them their chance to enter the Promised Land. 40 years went by before their descendants were finally given the land. Sometimes God's timing is the most important, because he has other blessings to bestow. We cannot know all of His ways, so it is important to have trust in the delay. Eventually what will come your way will be better than you ever thought it could be, because it will come with God's blessings.

So besides blessings, what else is the purpose of being pateint? Well, I'm glad you asked because I have some thoughts on this. Patience keeps us faithful to the Lord. John 15:4, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." Patience keeps us on our toes. Mark 13:32, ""No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come."

Some times it's very hard to just sit and wait. But it's all for a reason. I'm thoroughly enjoying the rest from my busy schedule. And the fruit of pateince is not to wait only in the good times, but in the bad as well. It also means not taking out the flute player that practices until two in the morning downstairs. This is the hardest- patience in suffering. But always remember that God is faithful. He knows what He's doing and He hasn't forgotten you in the corner. So be content in waiting. Easier said than done I know.

Psalm 40:1, "For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry."

Confessions of a Miss America News Watcher...

So, the other day I was bored out of my mind. And after my roommate and I had finished drawing mustaches on our faces with eyeliner I decided it was time to cave and finally turned on the T.V. The channel was on a news network. Normally I don't watch the news because it is so morbidly depressing, but that night they had a pastor form Florida on and he was saying how on September 11th people should burn the Koran.

Instantly I got the tingles. Something about this was just not quite right. And finally after a few minutes of thinking about it I was able to narrow it down. How is this being a peacemaker?

Today in America we're all about being proud. Standing up for your rights. And I'm not saying anything bad about it. I think in certain situations its admirable. I've always believed if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. But there is a difference between standing for something and attacking.

I think for a lot of people this gets confused. Standing takes courage. Not attacking takes a willful desire to keep the peace. Christ says turn the other cheek. Don't fight back. When the Pharisees mocked Him, He kept silent. However, He also kept preaching.

And here's another thing I learned watching the news. The world is a pretty scary place and at times like this it is so comforting to know Peace. The one who calmed the storm is the same one handling every situation. I think what that Pastor in Florida forgot was that God's hand was all over September 11th. He was Sovereign through it. And although I'm pretty sure He wasn't too fond of what went down, God is good. And He will make good, even out of evil.

The world lacks peace because they don't recognize the one who gives it. Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."

John 16:33, "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world."

Colossians 3:15, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Christ is peace. Let Christ rule in your hearts.

All of these verses demand one conclusion. If you want peace you have to know Peace. The Prince of Peace. You can't get it any other way. And you'll never survive this world without it. Because when you take away God, you have chaos. You have murder, rape, deceit, idolatry, cheating, etc. Not a very good thing to put your trust in if you ask me.

I don't know if we're all going to die by global warming. I don't know if there is going to be a massive earthquake and LA is going to fall into the ocean. I don't know if the world will truly end in 2012. But I'm not too worried. I've survived the swine flue, Y2K, Bird flue, Valley Fever Epidemic, and Mad Cow disease. And most importantly, I know Peace.

The world is lost and looking for answers. So many things happen and people find themselves panicking, saying "What will we do? How will we stop this? I'm so tired of fighting, all I want is world peace."

So here's my mission. I'm going to be Miss America and when they ask what I want most I'm going to say "World Peace." But unlike the other contestants I'm not going to stop there. No, what good is the solution if you don't have a method of getting it? So here it is America. Here is my solution for World Peace: Christ. Chaos and destruction cannot stand when up against our God!

Ephesians 2:14, "For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier."

Confessions of a Dancer...

Sometimes, you just need to dance down the aisle of a grocery store. Sometimes, you need to sing in the rain. All of this means just letting go. There are no worries, no sorrows, no problems. You put them aside for that brief instance and you dance. And that is why i think it is so theraputic.

Something I've been realizing lately though is God's joy works the same. It's been crazy this summer to realize that no matter what the situation, I can still find reason to smile. God's Joy and Love just overwhelm me at times. And compared to that love, my worries are pennies. It has changed how I act outwardly too.I'm much more of an optimist now and I smile more :)

Now make no mistake, joy is not happiness.Happiness comes only for a brief moment. It will quickly fade away and it depends on your circumstances. But joy is everlasting because our God is everlasting. We have purpose. We have one who fights and protects us. We have a reason to keep living. Psalm 30:5 "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." And the more in-tune with God you become, the more you dance to His rythym, the more joyful you are. Honestly, I believe this is how the world can set us apart. There's just something about us.

Asking most people what they want from life gets the same answer, "I just want to be happy." There is a common belief that happiness is something that can be achieved and held on to it. We look forward to that time in which we can finally be happy, but it's never going to happen! The world has mistaken shere joy for happiness. They think, "Oh if I graduate high school, then I will be happy." And once they do, "Oh, if I get a college education, then I will be happy. Oh if I get married, then I will be happy. Oh when things get better, then I will be happy." But it's never going to be enough. You are never going to be happy all the time. That's not what happiness is designed for. It was designed for only a short time. And I believe the purpose of this is so you can recognize your need of joy. Because joy is everlasting! It fills in the gaps that happiness cannot.

Happiness cannot occur when there is sorrow, but joy can. Happiness cannot occur when situations go bad, but joy can. Happiness cannot get you through the stresses of life, but joy can. So, when people say they "just want to be happy" they are severely shallowing themselves. I don't want to be happy. I want to be joyful because it is so much deeper. It goes beyond happiness and is rooted in Christ.

Now this isn't going to say that every day of your life is going to be supercalifragalisticexpialidocious. That's not reality. I mean come on, we live in a fallen world. But with joy comes hope. And hope is the faith that things will get better. The faith that God is working even in the crummy circumstances. And you know what. That makes me happy :)

Joy, is how we get through the "tough stuff." Because Joy turns you into an optimist. It's the strangest feeling. Your heart is aching, but yet you're excited for it because you begin to realize just what God is doing. He's working something that's not quite done yet. And it gives you the hope, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6).

And I know it sounds weird, but I get somewhat excited when I or friends go through stuff. And it's not in a sadistic way of I like to see them in pain, but it's because I know what God is doing. Everything has a purpose. And they will not be the same after the experience. God is molding them and shaping them. God is there and He is declaring it!

And that is joy my friends. That is reason to smile every day. Because God is not only living. He did not only conquor death and save us. He is not just sitting in heaven watching us. He is active. He is involved. He is in every gosh darn thing you're doing. Fervently. That's pretty awesome! And trials seem often the times when I'm most reminded of that. So I begin to realize just what James is talking about when he says, "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." (James 1:2)

So why not dance?

Psalm 30:11 "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."

Confessions of an Adventurer...

"Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life. You don't have to live forever- you just have to live."

That's one of my favorite quotes of all times. Because it challenges me to make the most out of every day we are given. To never say no to a new experience or adventure. Indeed it's what inspired my "Before I Kick It" list. And here's a fact that most people don't know about me just from looking at me- I crave adventure. I don't know what it is, but I live for those adrenaline rushes. I love to see and explore new things (just sometimes I don't like the bugs and physical strain that comes with them ha ha). But today my friends, I am embarking on a new mission. One that I've never done before. One that is more crucial than I had previously realized. I'm going to figure out over the next couple of weeks what exactly my spiritual gift is. AND I'm going to find a life verse.

To my astonishment, spiritual gifts are actually talked about in the Bible far more than I imagined, such as 1 Corinthians 12-14, Romans 12, Ephesians 4, and 1 Peter 4. And because they are so prominent I think they're pretty important. Because what I've learned from reading those passages is they are crucial to how I serve. 1 Peter 4:10, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." Now, it is very hard to be a good steward of something we know nothing about, and of something which we do not even know we possess. Dare I say, it makes no sense! It is insulting to the God that created you that you don't even take the time to fully realize who you were created to be. Not to mention, you miss out on some major blessings.

Knowing your spiritual gift will enable you to find your place of ministry. Knowing your spiritual gift will help to determine your priorities. "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." (Romans 12:6-8). That puts it pretty plainly. You are called to serve, so serve. You are called to show mercy, so show mercy. Before you worry about school, work, friends, relationships, etc, make sure your spiritual gift is active. You may need it in school, work, with friends, relationships, etc. Also, knowing you spiritual gift can also help you discover God's will for your life.

And here's another thing I realized, if you don't know your spiritual gift you may be trying to do someone else's job. Because the cool thing is this, God placed us all together for a reason. Everyone you know, is in your life for a purpose. Those other Christians are there because God knows they are the eyes, legs, feet to your hands. Nothing is coincidence. And you fill that part like no one can. You are never going to find two left big toes. So why do I then compare myself to others? Why do I go around saying, "Oh, I'm never going to be able to do what she does?" And then my brain goes "Of course not dummy. She's a toe, you're an ear. Duh" 1 Corinthians 12: 18-19, "But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?" God is living and active even when we are too ignorant to see it!

But here's the cool thing. Once you realize what your spiritual gift is and how you fit in with other believers. Once you realize that you are unique, then you can focus on the life, the blood, what draws us all together to fit one whole, complete body. You can realize that we are all the same when it comes to God's grace. You are one complete body, fervently glorifying your Creator. 1 Corinthians 12:13, "For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink."

Therefore, my friends, it is crucial that I find where I belong. So, I'm going to start looking, praying, taking online quizzes ha ha, doing whatever it takes until I find out just what my gift is. And you know what, I think it will be a pretty good adventure. Dare I say, better than the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. The effects- much more lasting.

Confessions of a Thomas...

Here's my problem as of late. I'm kicking myself really hard right now for this one. Who let me take Biology, Chemistry, and Calculus together? Life is pretty stressful to say the least. I'm exhausted, I've sold my soul to the campus bookstore, and my classes are all "high risk." All of these stresses create one major problem: doubt.

I find myself sitting in class asking myself three things 1) What on earth was I thinking? 2) Can I pass them? and 3)It's only going to get harder. Can I be a marine bio major? Should I change? But then of course reasoning takes over. No, of course I will not change. I love marine biology. And if I changed my major, it would only be to not have to take the classes. But I'd want to be an Occupational Therapist. I'd be taking the same classes! No matter what careers I consider, I'd still be stuck where I am now!

But all my doubts are erased when I remember that I am not alone in this. I have quite a few friends in all of these classes to help me through, and I'd be ignorant if I didn't think they were there on purpose. God is working it all out, right there by my side. And as long as I'm not lazy, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13). And sometimes we don't feel that God is there. But here's the cool thing, God is not limited to our feelings.

John 20:25 says, "So the other disciples told him, 'We have seen the Lord!' But he [Thomas] said to them, 'Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.'" I tend to do this too. I think of my future and say "I doubt I will get married." When friends ask why I simply reply, "Because I've had no evidence to the contrary." Something that has struck me hard recently is that when I say this I am absolutely no different from Thomas. Thomas said "Unless I see." When I say there is no evidence what I really mean is, "unless I see God bringing someone into my life I'm not going to believe He will." This my friends, demands confession.

Thomas learned this lesson the hard way too when Jesus appeared before His disciples again: "A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!' Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.' Thomas said to him, 'My Lord and my God!'"(John 20:26-28).

Thomas' response is the only response. Sometimes we forget who God is. Sometimes we forget that He is Omniscient, Omnipotent, and Omnipresent. But once He reveals Himself to us we cry out "My Lord and my God!" Thomas didn't turn away in shame, like I sometimes find myself wanting to do when I realize what I've just done. Rather, he turned to Christ and confessed his faith. Faith is the only response to doubt. "For faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Paul says, "We live by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7) If I could see my future I wouldn't need God to direct me to it. If I could see the solution to my problems, I wouldn't need God to comfort me through them. If I could see, then I wouldn't need faith. But I need faith. We live by faith.

Forgive me Lord, for my doubts. For sometimes forgetting who You are.

"Will I believe you when you say Your hand will guide my every way? Will I receive the words You say every moment of every day? Well I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Because this broken road prepares Your will for me."

Confessions of a Science Geek...

So, I'm only just beginning to get into it, but I think my Biology 211 class and I are going to get along just fine. It's so interesting. Here's something I learned within the first few pages of the book. Our genome (the sum total of all our DNA molecules) is so complex that if you were to write it out using letters, you would write more than 3 billion letters. Using approximately 12 pt font, your genome would fill about one thousand, 1300 page books. That's crazy!

All of this speaks intricately of a Creator. Whether or not you believe in evolution is not my issue. Personally, I don't. But I know some Christians who believe that God used evolution to create. I think it could be possible, because in my nineteen years of life if I have learned one thing it's that God has no limits. However, like I said, personally I don't think He did. I think there are too many holes. But that's not my point.

The biggest problem I have with evolution is this: for most people, evolution removes the Creator. They deny the possible existence of one. And who are we without our Maker? When you start saying "Chance did" instead of "God did" that's where I draw the line.

And here's another problem that's already made me a bit skeptical. In 1838 when Matthias Schleiden and Theodor Schwann started studying the cell, they wrongly believed that cells emerged out of non living material by spontaneous generation. For example mice from dirty clothes, maggots from dead meat, or insects from pond water.

The debate continued until 1859 when Louis Pasteur disproved it. Mr. Pasteur conducted an experinecmt of broth. He proved that broth directly exposed to air, dirt, and dust developed a culture of microorganisms, but the container of broth not directly exposed to air remained sterile. Now, his experiment did not prove that the microorganisms in the air caused the broth to become infected, but it did make one important conclusion.

This conclusion has has been proven numerous times in science since. Life cannot come from non- life. Life MUST come from life. However, two pages later I'm reading that biologists "postulate" that "cells first arose through the random association of chemicals in that environment." Well.... chemicals aren't living.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just an ignorant student...

My theory? Life comes from life. God is life.

Confessions of a Working Gal...

Being a working girl has changed me. As I was walking back home around 9:30 after my shift I was contemplating how my life was not my own. I've sold my soul to the 49er shops. But then as I continued on my walk I realized I'm being too possesive. My life, as a servant of Christ, bought by His blood, is not my own. I gave it up the minute I surrendered. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20) And that got me thinking about truly being surrendered. This demands confession because I am still claiming my life as my own. But its not. My life cannot be set apart from Christ. I'm His (Isaiah 43:1).

Last semester a friend of mine and I came to this very interesting point. This is one of the reasons we're best friends, because we seem to go through stuff together. But anyway, one day she texted me and said "Rachel, the closer I'm getting to God now the more I see. The more I see the more I begin to realize that I've never really fully surrendered." This is how amazing it is when God works. The morning before she sent me this text I had just written pretty much the same thing in my journal. Freaky!

But she was right. I had offered up myself, but never given 100%. I'd been a christian since I was 8, but I had never died to my old self completely. I still wanted to be my own "self."

Total surrender is putting all out there on the table. The angst, the tears, the anger, the joy, the love, the laughter, the life. God wants all of you. All the parts as far as He can see, because there is not a part of you He doesn't. So yield the ownership and be content with being a caretaker.

John 3:30, "He must become greater; I must become less." Sometimes dying to self is painful. Because we're afraid that we won't be the same person. Here's a news flash for you- you won't. You can never be the same person! God will change you and make you into something new and better. Ezekiel 36:26, "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."And, if we are really willing to surrender something to Christ, we need to be ready for Him to say, "Yeah, that's gotta go." But this, of course, is not easy because we are such a possessive people.

But it's a test. A test of how far you're willing to go. A test of how much you're willing to follow. A test of how much you've really surrendered. Because here's the thing, if it still bugs you. If it's all you think about. If you still do it, then you haven't given it up yet, you've just deceived yourself into thinking you had.

True surrender comes when you realize, My life is not my own. It never was. I've been bought. I am a bondservant of Christ. And yes, that does mean consciously giving up my will. Making the choice. That does mean not putting myself first. That does mean (here's the word that nobody likes) utter submission. Ooo yeah, it hurts to say doesn't it? Because it recognizes, it was never about me. This love relationship, has nothing to do with me whatsoever. And you may say, "well I don't like the idea of being a bondservant because it makes me sound like a slave to a ruthless master." But you're not. For one thing you're master is not ruthless and for another, you are a slave- a slave to love. David Nasser explains this best, "In his letters, Paul often calls himself and us bondservants. Moses gives us a beautiful description of a bondservant in Exodus 21. In those days, a Hebrew who owed too much to another would become an indentured servant, a slave, until he paid off his debt. On the day he was to be set free, the slave had a choice. If the master had been loving toward him, he could choose to remain as a bondslave, one who had chosen to remain because he wanted to continue to enjoy his master's love and kindness. If that was his choice, his ear was pierced with a tool as a sign to all that being loved was more important to him than being free. It is the same with you and me."

Here I am, Lord. Have me.

"So take this life let it be all I am, all of me. Here I am use me for your glory. In everything I say and do let my life honor you..."