Confessions of a Failed Pity Party...

So, basically I write this to tell you all, I just got my butt lovingly kicked by God, again ha ha. It never ceases to amaze me that I never cease to forget that He is Sovereign. You would think I would have learned by now. Well anyway, this probably makes no sense until you know the story.

These past few weeks I have literally had my heart torn in half. I am torn about what to do next summer, whether it be Sea World camp counselor, or back to the Dominican Republic. It is something that I have spent hours praying over. And I feel like I have gotten an answer from God, but He hasn't quite revealed which way to go yet. Because He's opened doors on both sides.

First comes the Dominican Republic. The other day I was down in Long Beach for a job interview and I met up with my friend Lauren. We got talking and somehow ended up talking about my last visit to the D.R. (that's missionary lingo for the Dominican Republic). Anyway, talking to her only made me miss it all the more and re-awakened the desire to go back. And to be honest the only reason the desire had dwindled was because I was a little afraid of going back alone since the two times before I had been with a team from school. I was worried about finances, traveling alone, meeting new people, ect. But then Lauren told me that it made her heart ache and expressed a desire to possibly go. And I was like, "Wow. Maybe God is working something here!" But wait, there's more. So I got home and told one of my best friend's Liz what all happened and she responds, "Oh yeah. I miss it too. I'm actually seriously thinking about leading a team there next year." Can someone say door number 1?

But then, there's Sea World. And after being there a few days this summer I was so excited to possibly be a camp counselor. It would once again be a chance to channel my former cheerleader self. And I feel like God is working some things there too. Being able volunteer in the marine lab is giving me a bigger chance to be hired, because it shows them that I am actually interested in taking care of the animals, which you also help do. And I love working with kids! But I was just beginning to doubt that maybe it could wait when vbs week happened. And then I also helped my mom out in the nursery. I had quite a few people tell me, "Hey. you're really good with kids!" One even asked if I wanted to go to camp with the youth as a counselor. So once again I was like, "Hmmm. Is this a sign? Door number 2?"

So, with these two options I am left indecisive. I literally feel like my heart is being torn in two between my two passions. And just when I was content to be frustrated and mope in my little pity party, God comes along. And He not so subtly reminds me that He is Sovereign. And He reminds me that He knows my future. And as I'm laughing I'm like "Dang it God! Why couldn't you just let me have this one?" and He's like "Duh, cuz I'm God! I know best and you're not ready to know yet. You need a little more patience."

So I open my Bible and I start reading Proverbs 16. This is how I know He has a sense of humor. It's not the first time I've read it, but before it's always been like "Oh that's nice," and then I've moved on. Not this time! God grabs a hold of me and convicts me like no other. Proverbs 16:9, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Jimminy Crickets...