Confessions of a Cracked Heart...

A lesson I learned recently from a friend. Time to play Dr. Laura for a sec. Just gonna give some thoughts. You know why I think girls get so devastated when they find their crush in another woman's arms? Wait, isn't there a country music song about this? Anyway, here's why. Because its all in vain. The hours styling the hair, the perfection of the make-up, the witty sayings, the dreams, meaningless. Because the only reason you do those things is for one motive and one motive only- him. That's right. Mr. Object of Your Affection for the Current School Year. You post facebook statuses praying he'll see them. You make sure the only time the two of you interact is when you're at your most creative and witty self. He's the motivation for the way your mood swings when you talk to him. The reason for the tear drops on your guitar. That's right, I just whipped in Taylor Swift. What are you gonna do? And that's why it hurts so bad when he chooses another. Because it was all in vain. It's like Ezekial said, "Everything is meaningless!" All your self asserted glory? Useless.

But here's what God has slapped me with. What do you expect? If you don't have the right motivation for doing the things you do, why are you so surprised when they fail?

So many times I forget that God doesn't owe us anything. Just because you wear a purity ring does not mean that God owes you a husband. Why should you be rewarded for doing the things you were supposed to be doing regardless? This calls for a self-examination.

So many times we say, "I don't care why you did it, just that you did it." But I put a challenge to this. I think the "why" is just as important as the "what," Because the "why" reflects who you really are. The motivation behind reflects who you truly worship.

So, when I look at my motivation, I realize one important truth. I have not been worshiping and following as good as I thought. My motivation as of late, or as what seems like a good portion of the time? Self. The motivation I should have? Love. "If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15. And what motivates you is what compels you. Are we compelled to do the will of God?

But if you think you are alone in this, you are sorely mistaken. The disciples struggled with the same thing. That's why they would get in debates with each other over who was the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. (Matthew 18:1). Now the Bible doesn't say, but I get the feeling this might have been the motive behind some of the things they said and did. They wanted to be named number one. But Jesus pointed to the humble child. Humility includes love and obedience. Love, faith, and obedience are the call of a servant. Jesus was a servant. And because of that, He obediently went to the cross- the highest demonstration of love. Romans 5:19 "For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous."

How would my actions change if my sole purpose for doing them was to be a servant of Christ?