Confessions of a Scaredy Cat...

One of the things I've learned lately is that I'm a little bit of a control freak. And when I don't know what's going to happen, I become really scared. Not to say that I take pleasure in bossing everyone around, but I do like to feel like I'm in control of my own life. Change has always been a hard thing for me because I like a set plan. I admire my friends that can just jump in the car and take off, not even knowing the final goal of where they are going. I can't do that. I can jump in a car and take off not knowing steps along the way, but I at least have to have a final goal in mind. I can call up my cousin and say "Hey, let's go on a road trip to Canada." not knowing anything else but it's okay. Eventually we will make it to Canada.

I know what I want in life. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations. When it comes to my will, I'm pretty strong. But one of the things that God has been saying to me lately is that it shouldn't be my will, but his. And sometimes His will doesn't follow the plan that I laid out. But that's what the spirit of God does when He tests you. It shakes your foundations and uproots you. And then you have to make a choice of who to follow. Matthew 6:24 tells us that you cannot serve two masters. Either you serve your sinful nature, or you serve God. And if you want to serve God, well then you need to trust Him.

Christ had to do this too. In Matthew 26:42 he prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." Christ knew that he was going to suffer the most horrific death you can imagine. We're talking tremendous amounts of pain. And it terrified him. He sweated blood it stressed him out so much. But still he stepped out in obedience.

We must follow this example. When we step out it will most likely be hard. It will be scary because we don't know what's going to happen. For someone like me that is a most terrifying thought. But this is where trust comes in. It's so easy to say, but so hard to do sometimes.

But something that I find tremendous comfort in is that I may not know what the future may hold, but God does. I may have worry about my dad's job, or my job, or school, or my love life, or my future career etc, but God's already got it worked out. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I’m learning. Slowly, painfully, tearfully, imperfectly. I’m learning what God is trying to teach me about worry and trust.

“Rachel, here’s the deal…I told you that I’ll never leave you or forsake you. Others may have promised that and bailed, but I’m not them. I’m Me. I’m God. And I am not a man that I should lie. Simply put, you’re never alone. Ever. You might feel like you are, but you’re not.

Next, you need to understand that I understand your worries and your fears. I know that life is hard. I’ve never sugar coated that. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” is how I put it in Psalm 34. You’re living in a broken world. Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune from that. Your problems are real. That is not lost on Me.

You need to understand something else. And it may not make sense to you. But everything that happens in your life, good and bad, passes through My sovereign hand. If I allow it, I have a reason for it. That doesn’t mean I cause bad things. It means I work all things, even the bad things, for good in your life. There are no loose ends in your life not connected to my perfect purpose.

You’ve asked me a few times, “Why am I allowing this to happen?” It’s a fair question. If I love you, why don’t I spare you? You might not like this, either. But there’s more at stake here than your present circumstances. See, I care more about your character than your comfort. I need you to come to grips with your faults, the things you need to change for your good and My glory. I need you to learn to trust Me with the injustices in your life. I need you to go through this. Not around it. The hard stuff, the pain, it’s all part of the process of making you like Jesus. And you have no idea how committed I am to that process.

I know heaven seems far away right now. That’s why I need you to believe Me when I say take life one day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own. The things you need, I’ll provide. I promise. It’s about depending on Me every day. That’s why Jesus called it “our daily bread”. Just do the next thing in front of you and trust me. Don’t waste your time on the “what if’s” about tomorrow. I’m already there. And I’m working in ways you can’t see or understand.

So keep talking to Me. All the time. It’s the best thing you can do. Don’t polish it, don’t edit it. Don’t spiritualize it. Just bring it. The angst. The tears. The passion. The needs. Just bring it. Your worries plus you equals fear. Your worries plus Me equals peace. And my peace passes all understanding.

Whether your circumstances get better or worse…and yes, they could get worse, remember that nothing separates you from My love. Come hell or high water, I love you. I’m for you. Do I need to state the obvious? If God is for you, who can be against you?

I'm for you. So keep going. Just step out."

-God

Confessions of a Coffee Addict...

There is nothing I enjoy more than a tall vanilla latte with a pump of raspberry from Starbucks. Especially on days like this when I need it to bring this zombie back to life. This morning I left without shoes and didn’t realize it until I was halfway to class. Unfortunately, being a poor college student I don’t often have the finances to indulge in such a wonderful drink, so most of the time I settle for dining hall coffee. But I must say, whoever thought of putting coffee in a monster energy drink deserves the Nobel Prize.

But there’s one problem I have with coffee or any other energy drink. They never last long enough. It works for a few hours, but then the crash comes along. You know your fate; you know what’s going to happen. So what do you do? Hurry up and get through your work before it happens or go for a second cup. You know the crash is coming, but still you choose to indulge. You’ll know the effects will wear off and then you’ll crash, but that brief satisfaction makes it worth it.

This is the same with sin. It looks good, tastes good, feels good. It’s temporarily satisfying. That’s what makes it so hard to resist. The other day I was reading Psalm 73. In it the author, Asaph, is confessing that his feet slipped. He nearly stumbled and fell into temptation. Why? Because sin looked good. It seemed that God was almost blessing the wicked. They are always carefree. They steal and become wealthy. They have healthy families. They are successful. They sow evil, but still seem to reap good.

The author confesses that he envied them (vs 3). I know I’ve done the same. Sometimes you just can’t help thinking, what’s the point? I try to be righteous and they seem to have better lives. Their coffee’s really working for them.

But all of this changed for me when I read verses 16-17: “When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.” There is something about this verse that is so powerful. It gives me goosebumps all the way down to my soul. And all of a sudden, I don’t envy them anymore. In fact, I grieve for them. Because I know what’s coming. The crash of all crashes. And my heart goes out to them because they are so blind. And I fall on my knees in gratitude that I don’t have to worry about that anymore. And it creates a desire to show them what I have. All of a sudden there coffee doesn’t look so appetizing anymore. I want them to taste what I’ve been given.

So, my fellow temptees, don’t be mislead by how awesome sin looks now. Because in the end, sleep is much better than coffee. Find rest in Christ. Find purpose and grace in Christ. And above all, show others that purpose and grace! The effects are much more lasting. Our cups are so filled they are overflowing (Psalm 23:5). The life and joy found in Christ is everlasting. A never ending Starbucks. Mmmm...

Confessions of a Former Sufferer...

Let me start off by saying that I am so grateful for suffering. I know this sounds ridiculous. I thought so too. But before that, just a little encouragement for those who are suffering is Isaiah 43:1-3. I found these words to be so incredibly comforting. I also noticed that it said, "When" you go through trials, not "if." Suffering is a part of life. James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” When I first read this I was so confused. I thought James had literally snapped his lid. Was he crazy? How could suffering ever be a good thing? Okay fine, because it develops your character. I knew in all my suffering that I would grow and get a better character out of it. Fine. So be it. But I didn’t understand how on earth I was ever supposed to consider it “PURE JOY” What the heck? No way! But now that I have suffered; and now that I’m really starting to heal, I realize that although those were the worst days of my life and I never want to ever relive them, that they were also probably one of the best things that could have ever happened to me and I am so grateful for them. It almost even makes me excited. Because it didn’t just develop my character. It revealed to me on a much deeper and unbelievably more intimate level, the character of God.

I’ve had a lot of people die in this past year. Friends, family, cats I wasn’t at all emotionally attached to, Friends of family. Family of friends. You name it, I lost it. And my friends have had a lot of burdens. Burdens on which I took on myself. Through all of it, I felt I had to be their support. I had to be strong because they couldn’t be. I took the phone calls, answered questions, drove them wherever, etc. I was their support and took their burdens on myself. But this wasn’t good because I didn't just share their burden. I made it my own on top of all the others. I hurt with them, but I also had my own hurt. I had my own pain from loosing that someone too or somebody else entirely. And my brick house was crumbling. Still, I kept trying to piece it back together. I couldn’t be a burden on them. I had to fix their problems as well as my own, on my own. I became a light switch. I would put on the strong and brave face during the day, and at night completely loose it. But it was ok. Just as long as the door was closed, the lights were off, and nobody heard me scream or cry.

It was during my grandmother’s death that this became even more so. I was away at Long Beach when I got the call that she had only three weeks to live. It hurt. Like hell, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t rush home and cry. My mom was having a pretty tough time with it. I had to be brave. It was the end of the semester. I had papers and final group projects to finish. Finals were in two weeks. I had to do well on those. I couldn’t cry in front of my parents. They had to know that I was okay. They had enough going on at home, they didn’t need to worry about me in school. Then, my grandma died the Monday before finals. All of a sudden, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I couldn’t deal with school and everything. I wanted to go home. I wanted to home. I wanted to go home. But I was stuck. And I was alone. I felt utterly alone. I knew God was there, but I felt like I couldn’t find Him. So I once again began trying to rebuild my broken brick house. On my own. Just me, my burdens, my family's burdens, and my friends burdens. Not a very good team. Trying to hold it all together. When little pieces would crumble, I would stick them back on and pray nobody noticed.

I made it! I got through finals, but I never felt relieved like I thought I would. Because then I had to go home. And that was when the little butterfly flew up, added that little ounce of weight, and the entire house crumbled. I had to help with funeral preparations, making meals, folding programs, arranging flowers, etc. That week was so busy, but I loved it. I loved being busy because then I didn't have time to think. The times when I was alone without something to do were the scariest times for me because I knew what would happen if I let them occur. I didn't want to cry that first tear because I knew they wouldn't stop. And I couldn't be weak. I had to be the strong one because my mom was crippled. On the day of the funeral I nearly lost it. In nineteen years I have never seen my grandpa cry. And when he did it was the most woeful and sorrowful cry I had ever heard. It shattered me. It literally felt like my heart was lacerating and being ripped out. I bit my lip until it bled. I didn’t want to... No. I WOULD NOT cry in front on my younger cousins. I was the oldest and it was my job to protect them. I had to be strong because they couldn’t be.

It was then that my house was literally shattering. I was in a mad, desperate haste to pick up the pieces. And I knew that God was there too. I cried out, “God. Help me! Help me put my house back together!” It was too much to bear! Too many burdens! But He didn’t help me. He was telling me. “Rachel. Rachel. Stop! Stop. Leave your friends and family’s burdens there. They are not yours to bear. I have already taken care of it. I bore them on the cross. You don’t have to be strong anymore Rachel. I am strong enough for ALL of you. Stop trying to fix your house Rachel. I have a better one for you up on the hill. Come, walk with me. Leave yourself shattered. Leave yourself devastated. Leave yourself broken. Because I will heal you.”

I understood exactly what he was saying. I knew that the reason my house was crumbling was because I had built it and tried to keep it standing, by myself. But still, in my panic and out of the hardness and bitterness that my heart had become, I refused to listen. In desperation I tried to scramble it back together. And honestly, it worked for a little bit. I made it through the funeral. I went back to school after break was over. People knew that I had suffered, they just thought I was coming out of it. But I wasn't. I had mastered the ability to flick on and off the emotions. But then the switch broke. I built the wall and it didn’t just crumble like it always had. It fell on me crushing me. And I died. I didn’t feel pain anymore. I didn’t feel anything. It was nice that I couldn’t hurt, but I also couldn’t live. I couldn’t love. I had lost the ability to feel happiness and absolute joy. I was dead inside. I couldn't remember what it was like to laugh until I cried. And that realization was the most horrific and terrifying thing still to this day. Completely lifeless. Rachel, was gone.

And still God was there. He picked me up out of the rubble. I had only made it harder on myself in my last frail attempt. I could have stopped and let it crumble. We could have started walking to the hill, but now I was dead. He had a heck of a lot more work to do now. It was nothing short of a miracle. But He did it because He is faithful. The very definition of grace. And it took a lot of time, and I’m still bruised and healing. My ankle is still fractured. But God is saying, “Step out. Let’s start up the hill. You’re still not completely healed yet, but you will be ok. I am here. You still have a fractured ankle that you have to walk on. Meaning there will still be more pain. But this road is worth it. Because I will show you more love and more joy on this road than you can possibly imagine. You've already started to see it. And sometimes you will still have days where you can't possibly walk on your ankle anymore. Don’t worry. I will carry you. You will be in my arms, just as you always have been and always will be. And after I heal you I still want you in my arms. I want you to run to me on the good days too. I am not just your Savior. I am not just your healer. I am your God! I am Holy. I am the very definition! And there are some things you are trying to put on the same shelf as me. Don’t worry, we will work out that. Rest assured. I am also your best friend. You should tell me what you tell your best friends. And if you’re ashamed to say it even though I already know-well then that’s another issue too. But I give the best advice. I am the wisest. I am the best listener. I am life. I am love. I am your identity. I am d) all of the above. You still may not feel like your old self. But you will die to your old self, and I will make you into something new and much better. For my glory. I told you in Ezekial 36:26 that I will take out your stony, stubborn, lifeless heart and replace it with a heart that is tender and responsive. You are mine. I am Good. I make good, even out of evil. I will love you the most and better than any man could. Unconditionally. Garanteed. I am your Prince Charming. I love to talk and laugh with you. I love the crazy things you do. Sometimes I say Oh Rachel, what are you doing child? And all I can do is chuckle and shake my head. I am the best comedic audience. I have the best sense of humor because I invented it. I am your Holy God. I am more than enough. I Am that I Am. And I am EVERYTHING.”

Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic...

As a hopeless romantic I have always had the dream of meeting my prince charming. Some guy who is perfect. He is sweet, protective, beautiful, zealous of life, understanding, a man of integrity, etc. He will say just the right things and hold me just the right ways. We will spend hours laughing and cuddling under the stars at the beach. He will fulfill all of my romantic fantasies. And that's when I know it's love right? Wrong! Because what I've realized lately is that's just what this type of love is. It's fantasy. Do we as women deserve some guy who will treat us right? Of course. We are the daughters of a King. But if this is all you expect your man to be then you are sorely going to be disappointed. Because something that I've realized lately is that this is an extremely shallow version of love. But sadly, this is all most girls hope to get.

There will come a day when prince charming will hurt you. It will not be romantic bliss every day of your life. You may say, "Well we're so much alike I don't know what we could possibly fight about. I can't imagine us being mad at each other." This may sound ridiculous, but I've known people that have one hundred percent believed it. I know I've even thought at some time. But again, this is such a shallow concept to the depth and intimacy of love. These things are physical. But love is deeper than that. We know this according to 1 Corinthians 13. Love is Spiritual. God is Holy. God is Love. Therefore, Love is Holy and Sanctified.

Part of the reason we engage in relationships is to feed each other. You feed him and he feeds you. You both grow and learn based off of what the other person is feeding you. That is marriage. It is a holy union in which two people grow and learn from each other in the desire to come together and be closer to God. That is why in what I have realized, if I want to be with someone who is intimate and truly knows God on a deep deep level, than I need to. If I want to marry a man of integrity and conviction, than I need to be the same. I need to be able to contribute.

Here's the other problem I have with fairytales- they don't allow room for the continual practice of grace and forgiveness. In the romantic novel sections you will find countless books detailing the perfect worldly husband. And just to make him seem more human, the author gives him a flaw. But if you notice, its always one that can be easily overlooked. Then the big one happens. He or she does something that completely upsets the relationship. And they now have to decide whether or not to continue. But you know how The Notebook ends. You know that Bella flies to Volterra to save Edward after he's left her. But this is incredibly shallow. Because in reality Bella is going to have to forgive Edward colossally several more times. Your marriage will not be blissful once you get the one big problem workout out. Being in love is a test. A constant test.

This whole concept of grace and forgiveness then takes love to an even deeper level. A level which I have realized I don't understand. I look at my parents. They have one of the strongest marriages, but I know first hand it's not without its flaws. They still hold hands in public. My dad will still spontaneously surprise my mom with flowers. They still sit on the couch and love being with each other. They make each of laugh. They are still entralled with each other after all this time. I see this romantic love and I yearn for it. But if romantic love is as deep as you get, then you haven't really experienced the full depth of love. Because I've also seen the days when they've screamed at each other. I mean, who hasn't? And on those days I begin to question, "What makes them stay?" Why would you put up with this day after day? This is where I draw a blank sometimes. This is where I realize that despite how much I loved someone, I never understood what it meant to love them unconditionally. To love someone unconditionally is to to be constantly practicing grace and forgiveness.

I think this is where a good portion of marriages turn into divorces (aside from infidelity or if one person just wants out). I think we get burnt on forgiveness and practicing grace over and over so we just give up.

But marriage is by far a huge blessing. There is a level of intimacy that is reached only in the confines of marriage. This unconditional love is the closest model of our relationship with Christ. We are the bride of Christ. The only difference is, Christ's grace never fails. He IS the perfect husband. Why a perfect being would constantly want a relationship with us seems unfathomable. We don't deserve it. But he continues because He loves us unconditionally. And he values us as a husband values his wife times a billion. She is more dear to him than anything, including life itself. Think about the cross. And the bride waits earnestly for his return.

There are three things that could make a bride not desire her husband. First, she is not confident of his love for her. We must know how much Christ loves us. This is seen at the cross. In the book I'm reading called, A Call To Die, David Nasser writes, "The cross of Christ is not only the source of our salvation; it is our highest motivation. Our dearest example of obedience. it draws us to rich intimacy with one who love us that much.

Another reason the bride wouldn't wait in earnest would be that she barely knows her groom. Yet, he still desires a relationship with her. Still, she does not spend enough time with Him. You get the analogy. Prayer, quiet time, worship, reading the Word.

Third, she has given her heart to someone else. When you think of your future what gives you hope and joy? That will be your god. Remember first and foremost that your heart is God's. It belongs to Him, so it needs to go out to Him.

So, can we still have our romantic dreams? Oh gosh I hope so! They're the only thing that gets me through school. Is it wrong to desire to fall in love? Absolutely not. But remember, you only have one perfect prince charming. And He is all you need. Everything else is just a blessing. And He will love you the most. If you want to better understand what it means to love unconditionally- to love even when your heart breaks- then look to Christ. Lord knows we break His heart enough. And remember my hopeless romantics- be patient. Because God is writing your love story of which He is the star. Hosea 2:19-20, "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD."

Confessions of a Broken Mirror...

Okay, so this may sound weird, but I've realized lately that I suffer from broken mirror syndrome. This comes in two aspects: 1) I don't see myself as I should and 2) because I don't see myself through the right eyes, I don't reflect Christ to others.

So let's go back to number one. We all do it. We stand in front of the mirror for minutes on end analyzing every little flaw we have. Something that has become ultra apparent lately is that I'm much more self-conscious of the way I look than I

used to be. I think some of this stems from just living in LA, one of the fashion capitals of the world. It seems everyone here has the perfect beach body. Every girl is beautiful, so how am I supposed to compete with that? The answer, you can't. Because you are not a clone. You are not those other girls. There are traits whether they be inward or outward that only you posses. But this also stems from how I see myself. Are we girls looking at ourselves through our maker's eyes, or the worlds?

Lately, the world has been the mirror by which I see myself. But we already know how messed up the world is. They have a contorted view of beauty. Trying to compete with that is nothing but vanity. Because, what do you get in the end? Someone to look at you and judge you strictly on your appearance? Who wants friends, family, bosses, boyfriends, etc, like that? This is not to say that physical attraction isn't important, but I think the world puts too much emphasis on it. They shallow out the definition of beauty.

I have literally destroyed my self esteem trying to keep up with that. So many other girls do the same thing. It is terrifying the number of teenage to early twenties girls who confess to having or previously having an eating disorder. And what it really comes down to is idolatry, whatever your idol may be. I would get so depressed because of the way I looked. And the reason I got so depressed was because I made guys my god. I made beauty my god and I put my identity in it. I was convinced that the only way I could ever find someone was if I looked better. Every time I exercised, every time I abstained from that piece of cake, was for them. I even began fasting from breads and pasta for lent in the hope of loosing weight. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier and eat healthier, but I realized that even though my body was getting healthier, my spiritual life was starving. It was dying.

My whole goal in life was to be called beautiful by a member of the opposite sex. That's what I would wish for. That's even sometimes what I prayed for. It sounds so ridiculous, but I did it anyway. Why? Because that's what I put my value in. That's who my identity became.

And now on to number two. Having put my value and given myself over, how could I reflect my maker? 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.' " And I realized this was where my problem lay. In my character, in my heart. How could I tell others that it didn't matter so much what they looked like on the outside because they were beautiful on the inside when I myself didn't believe it? How could I tell them that they are beautiful just the way they are, because they are created in the image of a Holy and Perfect God, when that's not how I saw myself? I became no different from the world. I expected others to judge me on my outward beauty so that's what I focused on. And yet I still called myself a christian and said looks weren't near as important as heart. But every action conveyed that I didn't really believe what I was saying.

And then one day God broke me. I was watching a little video from an add for one of Nick Vujicic's newest DVD's. He runs a Christian organization called "A Life Without Limbs." Definately check out his website, his testimony is amazing. Anyway, a friend on facebook had posted the little preview video. He came to my school when I was a sophomore so I decided to check it out, just out of curiosity. The video nearly brought me to tears. I already knew his story. But just in those three or so minutes he was talking about beauty. And one of the things he was saying was how when he was eight years old he was convinced that he could never get married, because he said, "What kind of husband would I be if I can't even hold my wife's hand?" And then later he went on to say, "I may not be able to hold her hand, but I don't need hands to hold her heart." And this convicted me so much. And the reason he was able to say this and not worry about it was because of the way he saw himself. He saw himself through the beauty of Christ's eyes. He placed his value and self worth in Christ. And other's saw it too. When they looked at him, they saw Christ.

We will forever struggle with this because we are in the world. Body issues will always be around us. But I have found that one of the things that strengthens me is Barlow Girl's song "Mirror." So, on those not so good days I listen to that and focus on what the words are saying. Because I want my value to be in something better. I want to reflect Christ not the world.I want Him to be my identity. And it's still a lesson I'm learning. But I have found that when I do this, life is way less stressful and I'm far more happier. I'm beginning to see myself through better eyes. Because the world can say whatever they want about me, but I know someone who thinks I'm to die for. So girls, break your mirrors. Cover them up after you get ready in the morning so you're not tempted to stand there for hours analyzing every little flaw. Do whatever it takes. But tell your mirror who's boss and who defines you. "Mirror I am seeing new reflection. I'm looking into the eyes of who made me. And to Him I am beauty beyond compare. I know he DEFINES me. Who are you to tell me that I'm less that what I should be?"

Confessions of a Laugher...

It should be no secret, I love to laugh. If you didn't know this about me well then I'm sorry, but you don't know me very well. But there was a time in my life where I didn't laugh like I used to. And it scared me. But that's a different story. Anyway, I LOVE when random things just happen and I burst out in tears I'm laughing so hard. But I've realized lately, that God has a sense of humor too. I mean why shouldn't He have the best sense of humor? He invented it after all! I once read a quote that said, "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans." This completely makes sense.

Yes, there are an infinite number of times when we break the heart of God, but sometimes I think all we can do is make Him chuckle. Sometimes I think all He can do is shake His head and say, "What are you doing my child? You're crazy, but I love you anyway."

Another reason I say he has a good sense of humor is that is the way he has taught me some of life's lessons. This happened just a few weekends ago. I was home and I guess you say I got a blast from the past to make a long story short. But instead of freaking out like I normally would have, all I could do was laugh. Because I realized that this was God's way of saying "See, I told you I was in control. Look how the huge things that used to stress you now have no significance because you finally decided to trust me with them. I told you Rachel, I have your back. See, I brought your blast from the past. It was all for my glory. See how all you can do is laugh at it now? And laugh at how silly you were? That's me. That's me changing you."

Confessions of a non- blogger....

Okay. So I'm new to the whole blogging thing so y'all are going to have to bear with me. But basically this blog is just a journal of the lessons I've been learning from God. Some of them are funny lessons, some are very serious. Some happy, some sad. Some come through friends, some are personal experiences. You must always be on the lookout for the ways in which God works in your life or in others, whether they be big or small things. Regardless, if you want to see Him working, start looking. You will be surprised DAILY at what you find and learn.