Confessions of a Confessor...

Who am I? This is an interesting question. Many people try to answer it in so many ways. I've posted before on identity so for the sake of not rehashing I'm going to let you know this is not a blog of who am I, but rather Who am I hiding? What is keeping me in the darkness? Who is this person that I'm so terrified people will see? Because the truth is, I know who I am. I'm an actress, and a pretty darn good one at that. But who I am hiding entails knowing what I am enslaved by- those unconfessed sins we walk around utterly petrified someone will find out about. Those things which if we let fester rob us of our joy. They rob us of our true identity.

They are our idols, our addictions, our shame. They are lies. They are sins. They are condemnation. They are those thoughts in our heads which say, "You can't tell someone that you did that! They will judge you!" And some might. But what about grace? What about those who fall under and live by grace? There is no judgement here- only salvation. No slavery to keep yourself hidden so no one will know, but freedom. Such freedom in surrender!

I have experienced such freedom. Years and years of hiding sins under the table, months of thinking I was the only one who struggled has finally led me to confession. I am Rachel. I am not perfect. I've struggled with depression, self esteem issues, people pleasing, eating disorders, porn (yes, girls watch it too and I've found hope in discovering I was not the only girl in the room who did), idolatry, anger, jealousy, and discontentment in comparing myself to others. But I have found I have been lied to. Yes, you should always be wise in choosing who you confess to. Not everyone can be trusted. But this week I met other girls who have struggled with every single one of these same issues. And we have all come together and trusted. Friendships have been formed. We have all come together realizing we are under grace. And where I once feared being rejected and cast away, I now find unity with my fellow sisters in Christ. I find common ground. I find acceptance. I find an inexplicable joy. I find hope. I find peace. I find love. I find forgiveness. I find thoughts of "Why did I not do this sooner? I would have if I knew it'd make me feel this way!" My chains are gone. Who am I hiding? No one. All has been exposed in the light (Ephesians 5:13). Who am I? I am free!

"Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD'-- and You forgave the guilt of my sin." (Psalm 32:5)