Folks, I have to be honest with y’all. This is a hard one to admit. But after years and years of living a lie, it’s time to come clean. So here goes. Strap on your big boy/girl panties. I, Rachel Dawn Goering, am a wanted felon. It’s true! I know! I’m surprised too. Well except I’m not because I’ve been hiding the fact that I’m a criminal from y’all. We can all pause here a moment to let the gasping commence. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Ready now? Good. So let me explain.
I didn’t mean to be a criminal. It just sort of happened. But I think for you all to understand fully let me lay the facts down straight. It begins with a “So this one time in college....”- it’s amazing how many regrettable stories I have that begin that way.
Anyway, so this one time in college I went to visit a friend. And this friend happened to attend a very prestigious, private christian university. For the sake of privacy we’ll just call it Viola. Now as most universities do, Biola- I mean Viola- required all students and guests to pay for parking. If you did not have a permit for the day you were cited gravely. But unlike a lot of universities, Viola’s police force wasn’t actually a real police force. If Long Beach PD on campus threatens you, you beg for forgiveness, if Viola security threatens you, you laugh at their security guard egos. The only real way they could discipline you was if you were an actual student. And everybody knew this. So, like I said, I went to visit my friend one weekend.
Now, you could blame it on me being a poor college student, but let’s be honest here. If it was today I’d probably do the same thing. If I don’t have to spend money I won’t. So, I told the security guard I was there to visit a friend. He insisted I’d buy a parking permit if I was going to stay. I said okay and drove off. I parked my car, glancing the whole time I was walking up to the dorm building at the parking permit distribution. That’s when the adrenaline kicked in. I’d never been a risk taker. I was always the girl who obeyed the law. But even then, I was also always the girl who got in trouble for stupid things even though all I was trying to do was obey the law. I once got a referral in junior high because of dress code. It wasn’t that my skirt was too short or my shoes were wrong. I’d made sure they weren’t- unlike those other girls. No, my referral was because my shirt collar was round instead of pointed. So not only was I humiliated in front of my 7th grade peers when the teacher told me my shirt was a “little girl’s shirt,” but my mom got called to the principles office. It was the worst. I’d like to say I’ve moved on, but truth be told, Mrs. Mayo, if you ever read this, yes, I’m still salty. So yes, maybe it was that very moment that started my life of crime. Come to think of it, it wasn’t too long after that I started toilet papering and fudging hours on my band practice sheet- sorry Mr. Scudder.
I’ve digressed. Back to the matter at hand. So there I was, a delinquent and a cheapskate, but to be honest thought nothing more on the subject. I spent the next few hours with my friend, getting wasted on garlic bread and Twilight (judge not lest he be judged) then headed back to my car. When I arrived there was a shiny white envelope on my car. I knew immediately what it was. I’d gotten a few of those before thanks to Long Beach street sweeping days. Yes I’ve contributed a good $300.00 over the years to the city. You’re welcome citizens for that fixed pothole on Anaheim Ave. But low and behold this envelope proved no different. There, in that special little non-Christmas package just for me was a citation for a whopping $50.00. 50 bucks? I was only there a few hours! That doesn’t seem very christian. But neither was what I did after that. I knew they’d never trace my car. I knew they couldn’t issue tickets outside of their students and so I picked up that parking ticket from my window and threw it away! Yep! Down with the man! Fight the system!
I felt invigorated! This was truly living! I was doing things my way! But then as it always does, guilt and shame started to creep in. Well I told guilt and shame to shove it! In fact, I was so defiant, I went back the next weekend and did it again!
It wasn’t too long after that that my friend had sent me a picture with a bunch of laughing emojis before it. Upon glancing at the picture it was a list of license plate numbers. She was asking if mine was on it. And sure enough there it was. 5jgg626. The number to my dear Smurfette (RIP you old crappy car). It was a “Wanted” paper. And I was top of the list. If they’d been real cops I’m sure there would have been a warrant for my arrest. It was then I became a fugitive at large.
I was reminded of this story tonight through random conversation. And it really got me thinking. I’m probably the most hated person at Viola now. Because they never found me. Hey, if you gotta be a criminal, be a good criminal. The next time I visited I took mom’s car down to Long Beach because mine just couldn’t make it over the mountain. If anybody traced it my car would show up in Bakersfield with my mother. Totally implausible. They’d assume they’d gotten the license number wrong and I’d be off the hook! If that didn’t work Mexico was only a few hours away and I was fairly decent at Spanish and taco consumption.
But now I sit here thinking about it again. And this whole plot does sound familiar. Because we do it every day in our battle with sin. It’s there. We know it’s there, but we believe the lie that it really won’t affect us. Just a little fib, just a little extra shot, just a little flirt. No harm done. All we really care about is the invigorating feel that comes with instant satisfaction. And we try to ride that high as long as we can. Because shame creeps in. It always does. We know what we did was wrong. So then we try to cover that shame with more indulgence. More sin. Until finally we’ve dug ourselves so deep in a hole we don’t know how to get out. And there’s Satan. Standing there with your wanted poster. He knows what you did. He helped urge you to do it. But now it’s time to pay up. And you realize, you’re in deep trouble. Because to pay up costs you your life. Eternal life. And that’s hell. True hell. Trapped in your shame and guilt. Eternally separated from God. With absolutely no way out. Suddenly you regret everything you ever did. But it does no good. You can’t get out of your hole- by yourself. Because the truth is there is one who can pay your debt. There is one who already has. There is one who has traded your life for His. There is one who has stepped in and said “I’ll take her place! I’ll take it all! Every shame. Every sin. Every debt that she owes. It’s now mine. And I have paid it in full. For now and forever.” There is one who has the power to call Satan off, to rip up the wanted poster, to wipe away and pardon all you’ve ever done. And his name is Jesus Christ. And I can tell you friends, his payment is lot better than a few measly parking tickets. It’s life. Abundantly and eternally.
“You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.” -Colossians 2: 13-15, NLT
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