Well folks, here we are. One hundred blogs. To be honest, I
never thought we'd reach this point when I was starting out four years ago.
Just another testament to God's faithfulness over the years I guess. And
so, it only therefore seems fitting that after 99 other confessions I present
one more. Summer is ending and I really really don't want it to. Shocking I
know. Neither do the other 3 millions kids going back to school.
It's funny to me. After years of wishing to get out of
Bakersfield and 3 summer's home from college not being able to wait until I
could return to the beach, I find myself not wanting to leave. I love my youth
kids! If I could just stay and hang with them all day I would take that
opportunity in a heartbeat. I've no doubt that the minute that car door closes
and I start heading down the grapevine there will be some tears. But I'm also
encouraged and reminded of Philippians 1:6, "...that he who began a
good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ
Jesus." And I have plenty of reasons to smile. I've seen growth this
summer in my youth. I've seen new kids come to know the Lord and develop a
passion for Jesus. I see God working in the lives of those in our youth group.
I see unity developing. God's not done with my kids yet! He's still
actively working in their lives and will continue to do so! They are in His
perfectly capable hands. Vessels of the fleet may come and go, but the course
stays true. "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has
called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14) Of course,
in the spirit of complete honesty, I do have to also confess that this vessel
who has been temporarily dry docked is hoping to return to the fleet in the
very near future.
But in some ways I think its good being dry docked every now
and then. And it doesn't mean that your ministry ends entirely, not by a long
shot! But sometimes, taking a quick step away gives you the chance to fix
and tune the things that still need to be fixed and tuned. It's just you and
God, the Master Craftsman. And I realized, I still need a lot of work!
I'm a pretty crummy vessel sometimes.
One of the things that really struck my heart recently was
when our Pastor asked during his sermon, "When was the last time you prayed
for something to be taken away from you?" And he wasn't making mention to
something like an illness or a test or project (I pray for that all the time),
but an idol. BOOM conviction like no other brother! Because I have idols in my
life. The biggest one? Probably my love life. I wonder about who I will marry
way more than I should. I get discouraged when I see fourteen of my friends
getting married this summer and I'm still a terminal bachelorette, never having
dated. I start questioning God, "Any time now! If you wanted to have him
walk through my door now I wouldn't be opposed!" If I start developing a
little crush on somebody its only a matter of time before I start thinking
about him way more than I should. And dreaming with the "Well maybe's"
and "What ifs?" And I've struggled with it for years. And over and
over I have prayed, "God, help me put you first. Help me not to make him
my idol. Help me not to read too much into things. Help me just to enjoy having
a godly brother in Christ in my life." But have I ever prayed "God,
take him away from me?" Ummm, no! That's crazy talk! That's way too hard!
I plan ways I can spend time with him. Asking God to end all that and remove
him entirely because of my lack of emotional self-control?
The truth is, we're really stupid to wander away in the
first place. Are we that ignorant that for a moment we believe our life could
get any better than it is with God? Why is it that we only return to Him when
the others fail to satisfy after we know all along they won't? I seriously want
to slap myself sometimes and be like, "DUH!!!"
The other, and more sad truth, is, it's funny how the
things that we so often say, "God I can't do that" are actually
doable. Like letting those idols go. Like praying for temptation to be taken
away from us. Like fleeing from it. If we were really honest with ourselves the
truth is we really mean, "God, I WON'T do that."
Lord, forgive me. I don't want to say no anymore.....
"She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she
will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my
husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'" -Hosea 2:7
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