Confessions of a Camp Love...

Well folks, it finally happened. I know, many of you have been wondering if it ever would. I myself have been thinking lately, "I'm 22. Any time now God!" But there is now a certain special someone in my life. I mean, besides God that is. See, it all started when I went to Fuge camp this summer. And I feel like a complete hypocrite. Having spent nearly every summer at camp I'm perfectly well aware of the camp romances that can happen. Y'all know exactly the ones I'm talking about. Boy sees girl. Girl sees boy. Boy and girl decide the "mature" thing to do would be to get in a relationship at camp. I mean, you're at church camp. God's gotta give that a thumbs up, right? Boy and girl spend all their free time together. By the end of the week boy is either leaving on a different bus and promising a long distance relationship or boy and girl have been in close quarters for too long and decided they really didn't enjoy each other's company that much. Happens every year. I think its the altitude. It does something to people's minds. I even warned all my youth girls about them. I asked them to really think about the true reason for why we came to camp. I challenged myself with it too. (What? A girl gets lonely sometimes. Camping is romantic. Sometimes you can't help it. I always thought It'd be cool to serve God co-counseling with my hubby) Anyway, I have to say though, that was not my initial intent. Farthest thing from my mind. But then....

GOTCHA! Ha ha maybe it is the lateness of the hour or perhaps I have officially snapped from trying to quit coffee cold turkey, but I am now patting myself on the back for pulling a fast one on you. Y'all thought I was gonna say I had found a certain special someone didn't you? Well, I did. Although it's more Matt Redman's lyrics that I am now in love with. I've never actually met the singer. Check 'em out.

"Standing on this mountaintop


Looking just how far we've come


Knowing that for every step


You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground


Seeing just how much You've done


Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way


But with joy our hearts can say


Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone


Never once did You leave us on our own


You are faithful, God, You are faithful."

Well, let me just say it was love at first stanza! We sang this during worship one night and I cannot describe how much it spoke to me. Perhaps its because I'm rapidly realizing I will very soon be closing the "college" chapter in my life, but I've done quite a bit of reflecting on the past lately. What better way to do this than reading over old journal entries? And ya know, it's a funny thing. Because sometimes, they're painful. You realize what a dark place you used to be in. And the things you struggled with still hurt. But it's also leaves me completely in awe. My mind has been entirely blown at how God has completely transformed my life. All those struggles, all those hard times, and I have seen just how He has used every single situation for good. I've seen how much its stretched me. Not to the point that I tear and fall apart, but just to the point of growth. And it makes me laugh because when you look back at your life and you realize you can see how God was in every situation it kind of feels like someone just WHAM! hit you. Never once did we ever walk alone. Even though a lot of times, it felt that way.

Looking back, my college years did not turn out the way I wanted them too. And I cannot say with enough enthusiam that I am so glad they didn't. Had I had my way, I would have been in Hawaii, swimming with dolphins and sun-tanning on the beach. Long Beach was honestly my last choice. Don't believe me ask my mother. She can atest to all the crying fits I gave. Hey, I never said I was mature at 18. But now I can't imagine being anywhere else. I sit back and I think, "Wow. if I had never come to Long Beach I never would have met the amazing people that I know. I never would have made lasting friendships that impacted my life beyond words. I never would have had mentors that challenged and gave wisdom in my walk with God.  I never would have had a shark in my bath tub, rescued a sea lion, or any of the other cool experiences. I never would have gotten involved with Navigators. I probably wouldn't be much of a christian. I probably wouldn't be working with the youth over the summer back home. Omgosh, I never would have been in youth ministry!" These are blessings that I could never have planned, or had the wisdom to ask for. But my life without them seems so, I don't know, not my life.

And it gives me great joy too. Because I look back at old journals and I see answered prayers. I see God's speedy and easy resolutions to things that I thought took weeks to accomplish. I've seen even just in a few months how much my faith has strengthened. And its awesome! God's faithfulness is just, gah, it's blowing my mind right now! But it also convicts me.

This morning I was reading Exodus 18. And I gotta say, I was pretty irritated with the Israelites. I mean, just two chapters beforehand, Moses has parted the Red Sea. The Hebrews are trapped. Pharoh is on their heels. And God takes an entire body of water and splits it in two. Like cheesecake! And then, like any good christian, they dance in celebration of His deliverance (Ch. 17) And then BOOM two chapters later, they're whining and complaining saying, "If only we'd stayed in Egypt. At least there we had food." REALLY?! Your God just parted the Red Sea and destroyed Pharoh's entire army and you're whining about food?! Don't you think He knows you're hungry? I mean, I don't pretend to be the sharpest, but it seems to me that even the dullest crayon in the box would think, "You know. I bet if God parted the Red Sea He can also give us food. That seems like a relatively easier job."  But then I find myself wearing those soggy, wet, Israel shoes. Can I honestly stand here with proof of God's goodness and direction in the past and doubt that He's not going to lead me to the best in the future? Oh ye of little faith...

"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" (Luke 12:22-26)

Confessions of an OCD FUGE Goer...

      Ask anyone in my family and they will immediately tell you I hate surprises. From the time I was little they have stressed me out beyond belief. When my parents surprised me with a puppy, I nearly had a meltdown on the way to pick him up. I always joke I'd be the easiest person to stalk. Except for a few random spontaneous outings with friends I live my life by routine. Some of you are reading this and saying "Wow, Rachel. You're so boring. Where's your adventure?" It's at this point I'd like to say I do have adventures, they're just planned. But I know my fellow OCD people will understand when I say it's also somewhat comforting having neat schedules and lists. I don't need to worry about the future because I know what I will be doing.

     It's this same line of thinking that has gotten me through the past four summers. I don't always know if I will be employed, where I will live, or how things will change since some of my friends have graduated, but I've always counted on the one certainty that I will be in school in the coming fall. But now all of that is changing in this next coming year. I find myself thinking, "I know NOTHING for sure!" Come the end of May I will be done with school and who knows where I'll end up? I could be employed working in Maine, or free-laboring it up in Australia. Or I could be a couch potato back home. Unlike fourteen of you this summer, I won't be getting married, I don't have a job I can fall back on, and I won't be applying for graduate school. This, ladies and gents, is where this OCDer starts freaking out! I love plans, and there is not one single thing I can plan! AH!

     As it so happens, this also seems to be the area that God has been working in the most. I'm finding myself challenged and convicted more and more to trust Him. And it's awesome! The future doesn't scare me so much anymore. Where I should be worried I now am finding peace. Where there once was meltdowns there now is trust. Because I've been really stupid. I've been counting on my own abilities and my own securites. But the fact is God is the consistency in my life. It's not school, family, friends, or work. It's God. Everything else can change, but He stays the same through the ages. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8). And Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that His plans are never to harm us. So why wouldn't we trust?

     Knowing this, I realized my big flop in life at FUGE camp. All my life I've been saying I wanted to be a marine biologist. It's what I declared upon that Kindergarten graduation stage. Sometimes I think I said it just out of hobby. But because its always what I planned to do, I never really consulted God on the subject. And don't get me wrong, I really do love it, but lately I've also been feeling other callings, particularly in the realm of nursing. And as it so happens, the areas of marine biology I love the most are the areas I could still volunteer in on weekends after possibly pursuing another career. This has been, and still continues to, weigh on my mind quite heavily. Much more prayer needed. But anyway, back to the big flop.

     The second to last day of FUGE one of my youth girls asked me to accompany her to her track time of "For Girls Only. (FGO)" I acquiesced assuming the topic was going to be like all the other FGO tracks I'd gone to even as a camper. What do I mean? The double B. Boys and Beauty. If there's two things teenage girls love to talk about it's boys and beauty. I knew it would be good stuff like how to be a godly girlfriend, how to find your value in God not what you look like, ect. But I was not expecting the topic of choice for that Thursday afternoon. How to give God your future. The minute Cameron (the leader) announced the topic my ears perked. "Okay, God. Where are you going with this?" All the girls had to write down what they wanted to be when they grew up. It's at this point where I regret to inform you I sarcastically wrote down "Employed." After a quick game of charades (yeah, good luck acting that one out) she challenged the girls that its not wrong to have wants and desires, but to hold those plans loosely because you never know how God might change them. And we need to be attentive and willing to obey his direction. Even if that means switching careers or like a lot of college kids, changing majors. I kid you not peeps, those were her words.

     Well, needless to say I was floored. This was definitely not on the boys chapter I had rehearsed my wisdom speech for. And I really didn't know what to say. I was so convicted. I sat there thinking, "Have I ever even asked God what He may want me to do with marine biology? Did I ever ask Him if He even wanted me to do it in the first place?" Excuse my language, but Oh crap, I hadn't! So, that folks is where the challenge now lies. I'm finishing out my Bachelors and seeing where God leads with it. It may be working with sharks and orcas, or it may be using it as a science background to explore other areas. I'm still praying and trying to figure out which way He wants me to go. And there still are somedays where I get overly stressed about it and I question everything, but I also know that God will lead you where He wants you. And its funny because it's always the place where you exactly needed to be. I haven't always gotten my way. I didn't get to go to Hawaii even though I got in. But I've needed to be at Long Beach. And God has ABUNDANTLY provided in all areas of life for me while I've been there. Knowing this gives me great comfort. It's like one of my roommates said, "God's already got the ending written. Stop trying to write the story." 

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." - Proverbs 16:9