Confessions of an Out of Practice Blogger...

So, it's been a little while since I last posted in the "Confessions of a..." blog. Six months to be exact! You know you're out of practice when you go to write again and it takes you ten minutes just to figure out how to write a new note with the new facebook layout and another twenty to remember the password to your blogger account. So, after so much time away, and the Mayans being wrong, here we have a new year upon us. I figure, "Hey, why not? Let's blog."

I've been going through a state of nostalgia lately. You may have noticed the old-school Christmas pics. But it's not the past of my former toddler self that I'm longing for the most, it's the girl I used to be just a few years ago. You may remember her. I've been looking at pictures and seeing how much my body and personality has changed over the past two years and for the most part it's for the better. But a touch of saddness comes to me as I realize that girl two years ago may have been 85 pounds heavier, but she was a happier and all around better person. I begin to think, what's changed? And then the answer so obviously comes. I'm much more selfish than I used to be. I always hated those girls who had secret motivations for everything. The ones obsessed with the way they looked. The ones who were so difficult to live with because they never wanted to be interrupted. The ones who wouldn't bend in the slightest when they had something they really wanted, even if it meant hurting someone else to get it. The ones who only cared for someone because of what that other person could do for them. And now, I have found myself becomming just like those girls. And so I ask, why? Why have I become like that?

The answer again is obvious. Because I started taking advice from the world. Not a very credible source. The world told me I was nothing if I wasn't beautiful and thin; that the only way guys would ever be attracted to me was if I was a size two, and that if I was to remain single, I'm either demoted in my status as a woman or a feminist. The world told me its best to look out in your own interests, that if you want something, you have to reach out and grab it, instead of trusting in a big God who might lead you to it. The world told me that love was conditional, not to waste your time on those who don't show you respect. The world taught me to find my own identity and be my own god. The world told me that acceptance came with the invite to a college party, with making others laugh. The world told me success and purpose came with a career. The world told me that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to not spend so much time on others. The world told me that you couldn't trust anyone, that everyone has hidden agendas. The world told me that that's just how the world is. Well, they're right. The world is that way, but Christ is not. The world said it was okay to be that way; that if I was self- glorifying, I'd be fulfilled.

The world lied...
I'm tired of being that girl.

"He must become greater; I must become less." -John 3:30