Confessions of a Coffee Co- dependent...

     So apparently I do my best writing at 4 a.m. Because once again, I am bright eyed and bushy tailed (that's such a weird expression, who came up with that?) sitting in bed, blogging, slightly sleep hungover, and wishing it was more like 7a.m. Never-the-less, not only is any time a good time for pancakes, but apparently it also extends to spiritual lessons. 

     As I was tossing and turning I started thinking about Matthew 5:30,  "And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." I know, such a morbid thought to just randomly come to mind. I mean, entirely severing a hand seems a bit extreme. And I know Jesus wasn't speaking literally when He said this, but just think about the implications. First, it's painful. Severing anything is painful. Second, It's willingness to knowingly put yourself through that pain because you are so committed to the bigger picture. Third, it's for your benefit ultimately, in order to save yourself. This leaves one to ask the question, what do I need to severe?

     First thing that came to mind? Coffee. I know, right? But seriously. I'm so co-dependent on it. It got so bad last semester that when I when I gave it up for finals week I had terrible migraines and was sick to my stomach for a few days. And it got me thinking. If it can cause this much harm not having it in my system what on earth was it doing to my system?  Caffeine is a drug kids. Don't do drugs- stay out of college. No, but honestly, caffeine is only a substitute for sleep, and a poor one at that. Let's bring this back spiritually then. How many things are we using as substitutes for a relationship and fufillment with Christ? And how many of us know it's just not satisfying?

     Which leads me into the second thing I need to severe, alcohol. And this one is tricky because unlike caffeine, I've never gone to an extreme point. I rarely have more than one, so what's the problem then if I'm never drunk? This one is more a matter of protecting myself. Every time I drink it is ultimately for acceptance. Acceptance from peers, who have never been proven to be a credible source when compared with the Living God. And its proven to be somewhat of a spiritual hinderance. I cannot focus on God when I am focusing on being accepted by the world. No one can serve two masters (Matthew 6:24) There's an old expression, "If you're worried about being burned, don't go near the fire." If your worried about being tempted, don't go near it. Don't even start down that path. Flee from it. Severe it from your life. Hmm, all of a sudden that doesn't sound so extreme does it?

     Last thing, and probably the hardest, idolatry. Particularily in the area of my love life. You know when you meet that guy, (or girl if you're a guy) and the whole world stops? And all you want to do is get to know that person on a much deeper level? And you're so excited that he talks to you and then you guys start becoming friends? And the next thing you know, you're wanting to spend more and more time with him? And the more you get to know him the more you think about him? Daydream about him? Take the time to put in some effort on your appearance when you know your going to see him? Well congratulations. You may have found your soul mate, but it's amazing how many times soul mate can coincide with idol. Even relationships that start off as Christ centured can oh so quickly turn. Or, if you're like me and still in the "single, but ready to mingle" department, it's amazing how many times I find myself upset and questioning, "Will it ever happen?" This is where I often have to take a step back and re-evaluate, who is my first love? Who really captivates me heart? Who come first? Who can't I live without for the rest of my life? If you're answer isn't God, I've got some advice. 1 Corinthians 10:14, "Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry."

     I can't speak for you, but these are areas in my life that need to be severed. Just quit cold turkey. Because I've done this before. I've realized I've had these bad habits and have tried to ween myself off of them little by little. But the problem is, it doesn't work. There is no half surrender. There is total surrender or none at all. And it's never easy. It's painful. So, to quote one of my favorite Disney villians, "Be prepared." You know it's gonna hurt. And that's why its so hard to do it, but ultimately, its to your benefit to do so. If anything takes the place of God in your life, cut it off! Don't give it a chance! Life will ALWAYS be so much better with Him in the center. I promise.

"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22

Confessions of a Sleepless Cheesecake Lover...

  Well my friends I have done it again. I keep telling myself, "No sugar before bed. It does things to you." But do I listen? No! So here I am, 4 in the morning, been awake for about an hour, eating yet another slice of cheesecake, and wondering how on earth to pass the time until the sugar crash kicks in because I was stupid and ate one slice already at 11 right before bed. Eh, why not do some writing? 

  I was lying in bed thinking about my day, particularily how amazing it felt just to gaze at the ocean after five weeks. Marine biologist out of water. You know its a rough life when no matter where you end up working it will most likely have to be near a beach. Anyway, while journaling in the sand, I began to think about why it was so funny that its so much easier to journal when out in nature. It's like all of a sudden, you look at the ocean and realize just how present God is. Why do we do that? Why is it that we feel so much closer to God? Nothing has changed. Our circumstances haven't miraculously gotten better. God is omnipresent. It's not like He's just decided to only chill at the beach. Although if He did, I mean, come on, who could blame Him? The only thing different is where WE stand. And that got me thinking. It's all about mindset. When I go to the beach to journal, I am expecting to meet with God. Even when I don't bring my journal, just walking in the waves is good alone time of worship. It's inevitable. I've never not been to the beach, even with friends and volleyball, ect, and not had it happen. I think it goes back to that awe factor found in Psalm 33:6-9, "By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap; He lays up the deeps in storehouses. Let all the earth fear the Lord; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast."

  But, see, now I am convicted. Because why should it only be that we expect to meet with God only in nature? Only when we seek Him? Have we lost the comprehension that He seeks us? What would it look like if we lived our daily lives expecting to meet with God? What happened to that eager anticipation? We waste it on such stupid things- like how good that piece of cheesecake is going to taste. What would it look like if intimacy with God wasn't just confined to our quiet times, Bible studies, church, and anytime WE choose to set aside? I think this is where a lot of christians fall out and loose their joy. Because when you eagerly anticipate something, you're so anxious it makes you kind of giddy. Think I'm wrong? Tell the next five year old you see in a week you're going to take him to Disneyland and tell me it doesn't make him happier and get him all excited. Or relate it to your own life. I'm a single, 22 year old girl, who is eagerly awaiting the day I find my agape love life partner and get to marry him. Boom! Smile. Right there! See? 

  I think sometimes we try to limit God. We forget that His love never faulters, that He never gets tired of pursuing us. That He is constantly eager to meet with us. God will never say, "Oh, Rachel. Yeah, I don't feel like meeting today. Can we postpone? I'm having an introverted moment." I do that, but He doesn't.

It's time to put down the fork. I can sleep easily, wondering, as I dream off, what God is going to do tomorrow and just how He plans to meet...

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

Confessions of an Out of Practice Blogger...

So, it's been a little while since I last posted in the "Confessions of a..." blog. Six months to be exact! You know you're out of practice when you go to write again and it takes you ten minutes just to figure out how to write a new note with the new facebook layout and another twenty to remember the password to your blogger account. So, after so much time away, and the Mayans being wrong, here we have a new year upon us. I figure, "Hey, why not? Let's blog."

I've been going through a state of nostalgia lately. You may have noticed the old-school Christmas pics. But it's not the past of my former toddler self that I'm longing for the most, it's the girl I used to be just a few years ago. You may remember her. I've been looking at pictures and seeing how much my body and personality has changed over the past two years and for the most part it's for the better. But a touch of saddness comes to me as I realize that girl two years ago may have been 85 pounds heavier, but she was a happier and all around better person. I begin to think, what's changed? And then the answer so obviously comes. I'm much more selfish than I used to be. I always hated those girls who had secret motivations for everything. The ones obsessed with the way they looked. The ones who were so difficult to live with because they never wanted to be interrupted. The ones who wouldn't bend in the slightest when they had something they really wanted, even if it meant hurting someone else to get it. The ones who only cared for someone because of what that other person could do for them. And now, I have found myself becomming just like those girls. And so I ask, why? Why have I become like that?

The answer again is obvious. Because I started taking advice from the world. Not a very credible source. The world told me I was nothing if I wasn't beautiful and thin; that the only way guys would ever be attracted to me was if I was a size two, and that if I was to remain single, I'm either demoted in my status as a woman or a feminist. The world told me its best to look out in your own interests, that if you want something, you have to reach out and grab it, instead of trusting in a big God who might lead you to it. The world told me that love was conditional, not to waste your time on those who don't show you respect. The world taught me to find my own identity and be my own god. The world told me that acceptance came with the invite to a college party, with making others laugh. The world told me success and purpose came with a career. The world told me that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to not spend so much time on others. The world told me that you couldn't trust anyone, that everyone has hidden agendas. The world told me that that's just how the world is. Well, they're right. The world is that way, but Christ is not. The world said it was okay to be that way; that if I was self- glorifying, I'd be fulfilled.

The world lied...
I'm tired of being that girl.

"He must become greater; I must become less." -John 3:30