Confessions of a Beautiful Disaster...

Yesterday was great day. And the reason I say so is because I spent the entire afternoon resting on my couch and listening to music. Yes, my friends, I was very lazy. And it was wonderful. I must say the "B" section of my itunes playlist is definitely my favorite. Anyway, as I was sitting there staring up at the fan the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Jon McLaughlin came on. I love that song! If you haven't heard it you should listen to it. It'd give you some good insight. And part of the reason I loved it was because it was MY song. As depressing as it is, everything about it was true for me. Some things still are. But it got me thinking, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. This isn't my song anymore.

A great man once said, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." I have no idea who said great man was, but I agree. Coming home this summer has opened my eyes to that. Bakersfield is still the same, but I am not. And praise God it is mostly for the better. So it got me thinking, what changed?

A year ago I was content to be a half lit christian. I lacked passion. I lacked an intimate relationship with the one who made me. A year ago I still hated going to my grandparents house. A year ago I was worried all the time about leaving home. A year ago, I was still burdened by my friends burdens because I hadn't given them to God yet. A year ago, I really wasn't surrendered. A year ago I decided I was going away to college to first get a boyfriend and then an education. A year ago I still saw my friends on a regular basis because they were all in Bakersfield. A year ago I didn't look for God working in my life or others lives. Sure I saw life-changing events in the Dominican Republic, but I just stumbled upon them. Even the blind would have seen them. A year ago, I had no quiet time.

You know, for someone who really hates change this is quite a lot. And there is still A TON more to be done. I still give in to my idols way more than I should. I'm still not as close to the Holy and Living God as I should be. I still get wrapped up on what I want and throw out God's will entirely. I still struggle with being single. I still want a mustang covertible and occasionally vow I will not be happy until I get one. I still have self-image issues. I still have doubts about pretty much everything. I still need to learn that God is more than enough. The list could literally go on for pages.

And believe me friends, the change was not fun sometimes. In fact, there were quite a lot of tears involved. It was hard to loose those I loved. It was hard to face the fact that I could not help my friends sometimes. It is hard to learn that God is more than enough and I just need to trust Him. But praise God that no matter how much we waiver, He never does. Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." He is our rock that never erodes. That solid ground firm through the fiercest drought and storm. Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal."

We live in an ever-changing world. I mean, just look at how many different versions of the ipod there have been in the past year. We are ever changing people. And most of the time, we need the change. But what is so miraculous is that God never changes. He will never go back on what He has promised. And you and I both know that God has proven Himself faithful on more than one occasion. The same God that created us, the same God that parted the Red Sea, is the same God that heard the prayers of Hannah. The same God that redeemed David is still the same Living and Active God! Isaiah 40:28 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom."

And it makes change seem a heck of a lot better when we realize that through every change, God is changing us to be more like Him. "So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord--who is the Spirit--makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NLT).

And I have a new song too. "By Your Side" by 10th Avenue North has been my encouragement through thick and thin these past couple of months. And it only seems fitting. Because that's how God works. He takes out all our unholy junky thoughts and desires, and replaces it with Himself.

So, of course, as I conclude this portion of the blog, the song "New Soul" by Yael Naim has started playing. "See I'm a new soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake. But why all this hate? Try to communicate, finding just that love is not always easy to make. La la la la la la..."