Confessions of a Learned Lesson...

If there's one thing I have learned from my Theatre 113 class it's that sometimes you just need to suck it up and do it! Sometimes you just have to scream your guts out in public and shut the critic up. I hate those excercises. But being in an intro to acting class I find myself needing to scream, cry, stomp, rage, panic, sob, laugh uncontrollably, and even potentially die on stage. But the most curious thing has been to see what happens after you do those things. Much to my surprise, I actually feel better. In fact, it pretty much makes me want to dance straight up. Just ask my suitemates. It's embarrassing, but we actually have a dance to "Toot it and Boot it." The ciritc inside the mind is finally shut up. This same critic tells me I shouldn't do those things. That it's not natural or sensible.

I think the same thing happens sometimes in the department of tithing. It's really hard to start, especially if you're in debt. And there is that critic in your mind that goes, "I can't do this. I'm already in debt. How will I feed myself?" or "I work so hard for my money and the government already takes half of it. Why can't I just have a little for myself?" It's almost painful to think of dropping half your check in the offering plate.

But tithing is an act of obedience. It wasn't just designed forthe people in Leviticus. And I here so many times people say, "Well I tithe with my time." Sorry, that doesn't cut it for me. It's laid out strict and clear in Leviticus. Tithing is ten percent of all your wages. When you start earning hours instead of dollars than we shall talk about tithing with your time.

But here's the thing. What was I so afraid of before? Did I really not trust in God enough to provide? Was I really selfish enough to try to keep what was never mine, mine? It feels good to tithe. It doesn't feel natural being a by nature selfish human. But the same is true of giving.

We live in a world that is take, take, take. Don't believe me, take a trip to any store. We've learned it from the day of womb emergence. You will hear two year olds now a days with a vocabulary of "No. Mommy. Daddy." and "Gimme" Being generous is what sets us apart as Christians. Having motives of love and not expecting anything in return is what distinguishes us.

So here's the challenge I place on myself as well. Whomever you love, love them 100%. Whatever you do, do it 100%. Whatever you give, give it 100%. Give it with a heart of gratitude. Give it with Joy. Give it with Trust. Our God deserves nothing less.

Confessions of an Inspired Speaker...

The other day I came across this video on facebook, and it truly inspired me. I have always known and believed that abortion was wrong. I've made a decision that I will never vote for a Presidential candidate if he is not pro-life. I don't know, maybe it's just being adopted. Maybe it's the chance that I could have possibly been aborted. Anyway, I cam across this video of this girl speaking out against abortion and it truly riled me up, but in a good way.

Here's why I loved it. 1) Her story. She survived the abortion and was delivered alive. That right there is a testament that the "fetus" as the world has so nonchalantly named it, is living. 2) The eyes through which she saw herself. She was talking about how when she was younger her birth mother and foster parents really could care less about her. In fact, they wanted to leave her behind in a dumpster somewhere. That's not the most self-esteem boosting knowledge. But here's what got me. She said, "I don't care. I was put here for a reason. I'm God's girl! And you don't mess with God's girl!" Mmhmm, you know it! 3) At the end she just called it out like it is. She called out the men for not stepping up to the plate. She called out the congressmen for putting politics over values. She called out the women. This girl was laying it on like nobody's business. 4) As she was speaking it was like I could hear the foundations of the world's lie shattering. It was trembling and faltering in the presence of God. It reminded me of the power behind Joel 2:11, "The LORD thunders at the head of his army; his forces are beyond number, and mighty are those who obey his command..."

Well, I loved it! I have a soft spot for the rebel type- not sure why. And if you're going to be a rebel, be a rebel for Christ. This girl was not afraid of what they would do to her. She was not afraid of what they would say about her. She did not even take into consideration that she was preaching Christ in a public government building. She spoke truth with power and conviction. And she would NEVER back down! It was truly inspiring. In fact, I think I might just have a new hero.

Some day, I hope to be like this. Someday, I pray that God molds me into the woman where I don't sugar coat things. I don't play nicey nicey, I tell it like it is when it comes to God. I proclaim His truth with no regrets! And if I were to be boo'ed off the stage? Well, that would just put a smile on my face.I'd love to be a rebel with a cause. I'd love to be hated by the world, because that means that I wouldn't belong to it.(John 15:18)

I'm God's girl. And you don't mess with God's girl!

Acts 4:31, "After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly."

Confessions of a Non-Coincidence...

Here's something that I've really learned this week. God has quite a way of getting His point across. Something that I've been struggling with lately is ministering to my roommmates. And it basically breaks down to the fact that I still care so much about what the world thinks of me. But I don't know why I'm so afraid. My roommate is one of the sweetest people alive. And she's Catholic, so it's not like she's going to start yelling at me, call me and idiot, and tell me that God doesn't exist. And even if she did mock me, what's the big deal?

When i was reading in John this week I came across this verse: John 15:18-21, ""If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me." How convicting and shaming is that? Especially verse 19. It almost makes me want to be like, "Alright. Let's be hated. I'm okay with that." It's a call to be transformed.

Well, after discussing this with one of my Bible study leader's she brought up a good point. If you approach it as, "This is what I believe" than there's really nothing they can do about it. She also pointed out that I had to do this. It was an act of obedience. I had never thought of it that way before. By not ministering, I was acting in disobedience. And here I am trying to live for God!

Well, after the discussion with her I went to my Bible study later that night. The topic? Ministering to your roommate. I thought "how appropriate." But wait, there's more. This past weekend when i went to church the sermon was on ministering to the lost. I sat there in the car completely in awe of how pointed this was. Then yesterday, I came back to facebook only to find a video with someone interviewing CSULB students asking, "Who is Jesus?" Their answers broke my heart. Okay God, I can take a hint. These random occurrences are NOT in no way, shape, or form, coincidence.

Therefore, it is demanded that I obey. Christ said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15). It's as simple as that. And one of those commandments is love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. Obedience is an action to show you love someone. it's as simple as that. I cannot 100% love God if I don't obey Him. I cannot obey Him if I don't do what He commands. And He has commanded, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20)

Lord, give me the courage to be a light in such a dark world.

Confessions of a Double Parker...

The other day I saw one of the simplest, no big deal, yet most appalling things. I had made really good time on the freeway, so I arrived at Rock Harbor a whole 45 minutes too early. So, being the shy type I decided to journal in the car.

Well, as I was getting it on with God one of the associate pastors pulled up in his convertible and decided to back in. He did all kinds of pivoting maneuvers and finally ended up smack dab in the middle of 2 spaces. As he got out he gave a slight nod of satisfaction in knowing that his precious car would remain unscratched.

I couldn't believe my eyes! An associate pastor of a huge church already limited on space double parking?! Surely my eyes were deceiving me! But then my sense came to as I was watching the poor pregnant woman waddle in front of me who had been jipped out of her parking space. I realized I was appalled at this only because he was a pastor. If any other christian had done it, I would not have thought twice. I should have been appalled no matter what. He's not called to a higher moral standard because he's a pastor, but because he's a christian. The same standards that apply to him apply to me.

Indeed this simple demonstration only served to prove one point. The human race without God is a doomed people. We are still in our worldly natural selfs, sinful humans. And I should be just as appalled when I'm selfish, as I was with senor doubleparker.

Because let's be honest. I have never double parked in my life, but I have frequently manipulated situations to get what I want. I have purposefully and knowingly put my needs and desires ahead of others. I have followed the world's motto of "Do whatever it takes to get what you want. No matter the cost. No matter who it hurts." Selfishness is the root of greed and greed is what drives the world and its business. 2 Timothy 3:2-5, "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them."

This, my friends is why christians are called to live a life of love. 1 Corinthians 16:14, gives the simple, yet final command of "Do everything in love." No if's, and's or but's. Because love in its truest form cannot be selfish. If Christ had had a hint of selfishness in Him, He would never have went to the cross.

And here's another spiel. Lately, it seems there has been a movement of almost selfish christianity. There is this whole movement of "you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else." I say bullcrap! I know I may be stepping on a few toes here too because I know really strong christians that believe this, but I respectfully disagree. Because love puts other's first by definition. I say By loving others as God has loved you and by realizing how much God loves you, you are then able to love yourself. Because you recognize how fearfully and wonderfully you are made.(Psalm 139:14). Love must be put into practice to be grasped, and if you put loving yourself into practice first, well then I'm sorry, but aren't you really only practicing selfishness?

But anyway, back to the selfish christianity. I know I have fallen victim to it on occasion. We study and highlight verses in the Bible only when they are applicable to us- only when they meet our needs. Nevermind the fact that it may be hard core truth, if it doesn't fit with what I'm going through, I'm not going to take the time to read it. How many of us have said this? How many of us have put God on the side line until it is convenient to play Him? We're not football coaches, we're Christians. And as such, we should recognize that we don't call the shots. You're not the coach. You're not even the quarterback. God is God and He will not stand to be shoved on a shelf until You're ready to use Him only to your advantage. You only have one parking space! The other goes to God and what He commands and directs for your life. Stop crowding into His space!

And here's another humbling truth- this relationship was never about you. The whole purpose of this life is to bring your Creator glory! He really truly is the greatest. Isaiah 42:8, "I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols."

They say pastors are there to offer spiritual insight. The insight? I've been a double parker way too long.