Confessions of a Giddy Sea Worlder...

Sea World, Disneyland, Magic Mountain. You say just the name and I instantly turn into a giddy and excited gal. While at Sea World I'm like a five year old in a Disneyland candy shop on Christmas with purple socks on! The Shamu show, "Believe" still makes me smile for no apparent reason. And every time I see it, it only re-awakens my desire to be part of it one day. Shamu is my passion. Music is my passion. Laughing is my passion. What if God was my passion?

I don't know if it's just the Bako heat, but lately I've been feeling that the fire is smoldering, It's still there, not extinguished, but not blazing. There is still the desire to know God more intimately, but I have become content with not seeking. So, how do we get past this?

Well, on those days I remember the Passion of the Christ. And I'm not referring to the movie. Christ has a burning desire to know us and for us to know Him. He wants to bless us. He wants to reveal his character to us. In fact, he loves us so much that he went to the cross. He intercedes for us to the Father. (Romans 8:34) He took on our burden of sin. That's a heck of a lot of shame. In fact, it was so much that the Father turned his back on His own son because He could not stand to be in the presence of sin. I cannot comprehend that kind of passion or love for us. But is was all to His glory. Phil.2:9-11 "Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every other name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

The disciples understood the meaning of the cross. When Christ revealed to them that that was His fate, they were shocked and horrified. If we fully took into account what the cross means, we would gasp too. And if we fully realized the slightest glimpse of the true cost, we would not be able to stand. In fact, we would live the most passionate lives, fully surrendered, because we can't even imagine giving Him anything less. And it would never be enough. "All I can offer is this fragile breath." Psalm 63:1 "A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah. O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

But getting back to the smoldering fire. Fire burns, but it also purifies. It cleanses, it consumes, it comforts, it gives light. It stands out amongst the darkness. But it can only do these things when its blazing. I want to be on fire. I want to be consumed, by love. "Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."-Jim Elliot. I think, my friends, that the fire has been stoked.

Over the years I have come across many definitions of passions, but one I remember distinctly. I was watching an episode of "My Antonio" with my roommate (for those of you who don't know it was pretty much the bachelor, but with a soap star). But anyway, one of the girls asked "What do you think of when you hear the word passion?" And his answer was entirely different than what I expected. I expected the typical worldly man answer-sex. But instead he floored me when He said, "To be so lost in love, that you can't imagine yourself without them." And while, yes, it is somewhat cheesy-especially coming from a reality show- I thought he had something there. Because think about it, that is what defines a passion for God. A fervent love for Him because you have no idea where you'd be without Him. Hmm, not bad soap star. Not bad at all.

"At the cross You beckoned me. Draw me gently, to my knees and I am lost for words. So lost in love..."

Confessions of a Blocked Writer...

You know the feeling. There you are, sitting at your computer, willing your fingers to type. And then all of a sudden you hear the gears rusting until they finally stop altogether. Everyone has been victim to this form of writer's block that usually occurs during the middle of a paper. Well, my friends, this blogger is blogged out. As I'm sitting here trying to think of something witty to say, it just won't come.

Any good author will tell you its useless to try to write while the writer's block is in motion. Even if you manage to create something, it will never measure up. So as I sit here, with only ideas for blogs, but no desire to actually write them just yet, a thought has occurred to me. Christ is the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). And thank goodness He never gets writers block.

Any book can have a good plot. I mean, even the Bible has one. Have you read Revelation? What an ending! But what makes a good book, I think, is the characters. You can have the same setting over and over, but it will seem entirely different with other characters. And the main characters must not be flat, but rather well-rounded. The audience must see multiple sides. Thus, it only makes sense that this is where the author puts the most thought.

Christ does the same. He puts us in different situations, but the whole point is to develop our character. Because he cares more about it than our comfort. It's a test of our heart. (Proverbs 17:3). Godly character is the result of the Holy Spirit’s work of sanctifying us. Through every circumstance, every trial, every win, every loss, the goal is the same. To make us more like Christ.

And sometimes, a part needs re-written. Sometimes, we simply don't get it the first time. But it's the whole process of growth that creates the classics. In Pride and Prejudice you see Elizabeth evolve as she realizes who Mr. Darcy really is. Even though we know Les Miserables' Jean Valjean is a criminal, we cannot help but love him, because we see how he turns into a noble, gracious, and forgiving man.

So friends, this writer isn't so worried about not being able to come up with anything anymore. Because like I already said, Christ never gets writer's block. God is forever shaping and molding us to be more like His Son. He is the Potter. And it is because He loves us so much that He invests so much time into it. And believe it or not, He knows EXACTLY what He is doing. We don't always know the plot to the story of our lives, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been written. He is working in ways we can't even begin to imagine. And you know what, I think it's gonna be a pretty good book.

"As the excellence of gold is its purity and the excellence of art is its beauty, so the excellence of man is his character."

Confessions of a Maleficent...

So the other day my friends and I found ourselves debating who the most evil Disney villian is. I think hands down it's Frollo. I mean come on, the guy is demented. But let's not forget our dear Maleficent. As far as villians go, she's a pretty close second. But I think what makes her so evil is how utterly sadistic she is. But you really don't know Maleficent's story, which leads you to believe that her corruption comes from within. Sometimes the same is true for us and temptation.

See, that's how Satan tempted Adam and Eve in the garden in Genesis 2 and 3. He corrupted their hearts. As the pastor explained on Sunday, he appealed to the three basic areas of temptation. First, their natural appetites. These are temptations for things you are naturally designed for, but in the right context. We are designed for relationships and intimacy, but within the right confines. Adam and God had a specific creation to creator relationship. But Satan tried to convince Eve that God simply didn't want them to be like Him. Eve was led in by the temptation of changing the relationship to God to God instead of God to man. And its important to note why Satan used Eve instead of just going straight to Adam. Eve was the object of Adam's affection. The thing we love the most, whatever it is, stands as the most vulnerable for Satan to attack.

The second way was by appealing to their condition appetites. It's a known fact, the longer you look at something, the more desirable it is. The more I stare at a mustang convertible, the more I crave it. The more Eve looked at the fruit and heard what Satan was saying, the more appetizing it became.

Lastly, Satan appealed to their ego. We don't need to go too far into this to know that pride is a huge issue for man. They for one instant believed they could be on the same level as God, and it destroyed them. They ate the fruit, and sin entered the world. If you don't believe me when I say man is, by nature, born a sinful being, take a trip to your nearest Long Beach Arco gas station. Man doesn't need all the other outside forces of temptation. Our pride and internal corruption is more than enough!

1 John 2:16 warns about these three ways of temptation. "For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure [natural appetites], a craving for everything we see [condition appetites], and pride [did somebody say ego?] in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world."

So what hope do we have? I mean we don't have winged fairies named Merryweather, Fauna, or Flora to turn the arrows Satan throws into flowers. Well, my friends, there is good news. "What?" you may ask. Well, I'm glad you asked. Drum roll please. Christ faced these same three areas of temptation when in the wilderness. And He pretty much kicked their butts.

Let's look at Luke 4.
Luke 4:3-4 "The devil said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.' Jesus answered, 'It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'"- Natural Appetites

Luke 4:5-8 "The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, 'I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours.' Jesus answered, 'It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'"-Condition Appetites

Luke 4:9-12 "The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 'If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. 10For it is written: 'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.' Jesus answered, 'It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"-Ego

So, my fellow Maleficents, ask for help to resist temptation. And be on your guard, but not just from the things coming at you, but those thoughts, desires, and pride within.

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

Confessions of a Crumpet Craver...

The time had come. I knew it would. I just had not expected it to come so soon. There I was, at the refrigerator door, staring blankly at the entirely full fridge before me. From my vantage point I could see the hummus and the cheese. It would have made a yummy sandwich to be sure. I continued scanning brushing over the left over chicken, the mac and cheese, and the tortillas. I then preceded to check the freezer where three Lean Cusines waited to be heated and consumed. But still, I felt like there was nothing to eat. I continued the pattern of refrigerator, freezer, refrigerator, freezer, and back to the refrigerator. I had a multitude of scrumptious meals to be made, but still I was not satisfied. It was very frustrating. I realized then, that I had been in British Columbia, or rather with Aunt Margaret too long. Why? Because I craved a delicately delicious concoction- a crumpet.

Sometimes we find ourselves spiritually in the same predicament. We fill our lives (our refrigerators) with so much junk. But its never stuff we really need. People turn to all kinds of stuff to fill that God shaped hole, but it never works. They are never fully satisfied. Jesus is the Bread of Life and the Living Water. Those who drink and eat of His table will never be hungry again.

We will never ever be frustrated when we hunger and thirst for Jesus. If we hunger for Him more, He will fill us more. He will reveal Himself to us more. But you also will never get to a point in God when you will be so full that you will not need Him anymore.

While God is always satisfying us, He is also continually increasing our hunger and thirst for more of Him. It is an unquenchable desire. David understood this. Psalm 143:6 "My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.” That's some pretty heavy desiring.

And sometimes we don't long for God. Sometimes our desires are off course completely. I struggle with this a lot. But I began to think. I am just now learning what it means to earnestly and fervently seek God. And I find the more I do, I can't get enough. It's like a ravaging hunger. What David explains begins to seem comprehensible. And I am in total and complete love. The more I look for God working in my life, the more I see.

And it's not wrong to have other desires for our future. But you have to take it all in moderation. Too many crumpets are a bad thing. And we must trust that if its best for us, God will, in His perfect timing, give us the desires of our hearts. But its hard to wait sometimes. But what if instead of complaining during those times we sought God? Would our desires change? I believe so. And they'd be much more nutritious than a crumpet. They say you can't always get what you want. That kind of has a negative vibe to it. But sometimes, I think it's in our best interest that we don't. If you are using the world to satisfy, then you will never develop the hunger and thirst for righteousness.

"I said, 'Lord take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.' He responded, 'I must teach you to long for something better.'"-Elizabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity.

So don't settle for crumpets. Because this world is a pretty sad place. Crave the one who will never fail to fill you up. Yearn for Him. Never settle. Eagerly search for more. Because His table is a seven course meal, and we have only begun to taste. Much better than a lousy crumpet.

"I want to learn to pray the way that David prayed. I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name. I want to feel like new. I want to hunger for you. Bring me back to life like only you can do, cause I don't want to stay the same." --Starfield

Confessions of an Adrenaline Junkie...

One thing that has become severely apparent lately? I have serious thrill issues. If there's no adrenaline rush, it's not worth the adventure. Recently I started a bucket list. Don't ask me why because I don't really know. But if you were to look at my list, you would realize that I have a problem. But one thought that has occurred to me lately is that sometimes we are adrenaline junkies when it comes to worship. We get so focused on being entertained, that we loose sight of the true purpose of worship.

While down in Long Beach, I go to Rockharbor. And there are two reasons I love it. First, I love the sermons. Enough said. Second, the worship is hands down amazing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that base! Whoo. And while upbeat, amazing worship does help with the whole experience, it shouldn't be the experience.

Because here's the thing. When I go back home, its to a much smaller, older church. And while they try to give the music a good beat, it's never going to be a rock concert. And this used to really bug me. I used to feel like I couldn't get into because of that.

But God has been breaking my heart lately on this issue. It's like He's been saying, "Rachel. Worship is worship. And worship was never about you. It is not an entertainment factor for you. It's my praise. But I don't want to hear them, if they're not heartfelt. You love music Rachel. And that's how I speak to you sometimes. But I'm there just as much in the hymns as I am in the Hillsong."

And being reminded of this has changed my entire focus. It's no longer the beat that drives my praise, but the lyrics. For whatever reason today I was looking in the piano bench and I found an old hymnal. Instantly my mind said "boring." But when I decided to look through it anyway, the second song I came across was "How Great Thou Art." I have sung this song in church probably a thousand times, no joke. But today I really looked at the words. And you know what. Those words are some pretty powerful things. "And when I think that God, His Son not sparing. Sent Him to die. I scarce can take it in... Then I shall bow. In humble adoration. And there proclaim, 'My God how great Thou art!'" and "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace." And that was the moment ladies and gentlemen, when the awe factor kicked in.

Once you get your focus right, it's a whole lot easier to praise. Because if it's all about the concert or the entertainment to you, why worship at all? God doesn't live off of our praise. He doesn't need it, He just deserves it. Acts 17:24-25, "God who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshiped with men's hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives life, breath, and all things." And you know, I tend to think if all you're going to do is complain about the worship, than just don't worship. The rocks and the trees cry out to the living God. If you're not going to do your job, they will.

Our worship to God should be a very humble and reverent action. And it must include your entire heart. And must be done in truth. "(John 4:23-24). Worship should cause us to reflect on the majesty and graciousness of God and Christ, contrasted to our own unworthiness. Worship helps us develop a God-like and Christ-like character. We become like those we admire and worship. And worship is a heck of a lot more than singing.

I honestly used to be kind of weirded out by people that even raised their hands, cried, or got down on their knees in church. Sometimes I thought they were just phony. But now, as I just beginning to comprehend that I will never comprehend the full majesty and holiness of God because it is too great, I find myself envying them. Because those kind of people, can make worship out of anything. And that is the heart of a true worshiper. It's like my favorite Todd Agnew song says, "All I can offer is this fragile breath. And with each one I'll praise you. With each one I'll praise you more." It's called "This Fragile Breath" LISTEN TO IT! It's such a powerful song!

So my fellow adrenaline junkies, save the thrill for the sky diving, bungee jumping, roller-coaster riding, hiking, hang-gliding, river-rafting, race car driving, world. Let those get your heart pumping and be the entertainment factor. Because the life of one who truly worships is the life of one who puts God first. The life of one who shouts His praises because they can't contain to merely say them. Who screams not out of excitement and fear, but out of sheer joy. The life of a Christian who truly worships, is a whole new kind of thrill. And it is much better than anything the world can offer. So give God your true worship. He deserves nothing less, and so much more than what we can possibly ever offer. Psalm 29:2, "Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of His holiness."

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing. Tune my heart to sing Thy grace; Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise."

Confessions of a Kidney Donor...

Reading the title of this confession, I can assume what you all must be thinking. No, I did not donate a kidney to anyone, but my cousin (2nd cousin, cousin once removed, I don't know what she actually is) Linda did. She gave her kidney to her husband Jason. Yep, what better way to say I love you than "Here, have a kidney. I have two." But it got me thinking. It was easy for Linda to give a kidney to Jason. Especially since she loved him. It's easy to serve the ones we love. But what about those we don't care too much for. What about those we dare to consider our enemies?

Being a servant requires a few things. First, love. This includes a willing and humble heart. You can't be selfish when serving. Because it is not for your gain that you do these things. Galatians 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." We all know what it means to be called to love our enemies. And nobody needs to be told that its difficult. But to this I say again, look to Christ. He loved Judas unconditionally. He washed his feet. He died for him. And Judas used that love, in the form of a kiss, to turn it around and betray Him. We do what Peter did. We look at Judas and say, "never," but then the time comes and the rooster crows (Luke 22). Love forgives. It is everlasting, regardless of circumstance. Which brings me to my next point.

Second, an unbiased attitude of whom and where you serve. So many people get neglected because of their situations. Being a servant of Christ is not always glamorous. It may lead to have to deal with not so pretty things. I am constantly seeing adds on t.v. telling me to volunteer in an after school children's program. Children are just by nature, for most of us, pretty easy to serve. They are so fun to be around. But when was the last time you served by cleaning up the bed pans of the hospital patients? That's the most disgusting job I could think of. But Jesus did it in a second. He stooped to the lowest level imaginable- a human- to demonstrate his love. Matthew 25:35-36 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"

Third, being a servant requires a life long commitment. Even unto death. To love and to serve to the point of a spear. Jim Elliot understood this call. This is the call of a martyr. I was reading Acts the other day and I came upon Acts 20:24, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." The first part of this verse just sticks to me. Now, I'm not saying we all should go get killed right now for the sake of Christ, but to me, there is no better way to die. I know this may sound morbid, because martyrs often die excruciating deaths. I don't envy them that. And pray that I'll never have to go through it. But what better way to go? The martyrs speak more for the sake of spreading the gospel than a thousand preachers. And if I'm going to die, I might as well do it working for the Lord. The only thing I want people to say of me after I'm gone is, "She said 'yes'."

When I was in the Dominican Republic this past summer, we took an oath of servanthood. We washed each other's feet (very difficult to do since I am excruciatingly ticklish). When finished, we tore the rags and wrapped them around our wrist. They were to serve as a reminder of the commitment to be a servant for not only the rest of the trip, but for life. I think I'm going to start wearing it again. Because I need the daily reminder to not only serve my friends and family, but those who I really just can't stand. John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Would I be willing to give a kidney to my enemies?

Jesus gave his life.

Confessions of a Clutz...

As the world's clutziest clutz I am no stranger to pain. The last time I twisted my ankle I tripped over my crutches. How ironic is that? Anyway, for a blonde like me, pain is almost a part of life. I am constantly running into stuff. My poor legs are so bruised some people think I'm a fighter. To this I say, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Nobody needs to beat me, I do it enough to myself! I mean, come on, how many other people that you know have broken their ankle by falling out of a parked bus?

But a lot of times pain isn't just physical. It's emotional as well. And it's important to know how to deal with it. Because whether it be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a friend who has gone astray, a terminal illness, or just a hopeless situation, we all have to face it. Hardships like these can tear our lives apart, and God does not always explain why our hearts have to be broken so painfully.

Nobody understood pain better than Job. And nobody could figure out why he was suffering. Some thought he had turned astray. And that his pain was punishment. His own wife even turned his back on him. And she was one of the few things he had left. "His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said." (Job 2:9-10).

There are a few things we can learn from Job. First, Job was a man that had serious questions about God. Real faith doesn't mean you don't have any questions. But it also doesn't mean that faith is any less of an option at those times. In fact, those are the times we need it the most. Because like Job, it may be all we have left. But still, Job's broken heart did not break his faith. "I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even though He seems silent" (World War II Refugee).

Second, godly people can suffer as painfully as anyone else in the world. And when this does happen remember 1 Peter 4:12-13. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

Third, Job clung to the hope that He could get through anything as long as God was with Him- as long as his Redeemer lived (Job 19:25) He could survive everything being taken away from him because he still had everything. If we viewed pain as bearable because we have one who's already bore it for us on the cross, that makes the situation seems ten times better already. And it's during those times that we can't go on anymore that God says "It's okay. I'm here. You're alright." We are called to cling to the cross. And sometimes that means clinging for dear life.

And it is important to understand that God is not vindictive. He doesn't cause pain, He allows it. Pain is a result of evil, but that doesn't mean that God can't use it for His purpose. After all, that's why He is good. Because He makes good, even out of bad. God uses pain to get our attention. Sometimes we don't see the fire until we feel the heat. Often, we forget the source of our strength. We neglect God's grace. We get distracted from our need of daily spiritual renewal from God's word. "It is good for me that I was afflicted, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws." (Psalm 119:71).

God allows pain to give us a ministry to others. Pain can help us to be humble, sympathetic, and sensitive to the needs of other people. It allows us to fully understand compassion. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

And our only response to this is to cling to the hope that we will NEVER leave His hands. He is ALWAYS there. Psalm 9:10 "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."

"And I'll be by your side. Wherever you fall. In the dead of night. Whenever you call. And please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."