Confessions of a Neil Diamond Fan...

Let me start off this post by dedicating it to my momma, who from a young age has been teaching me to be three important things: A godly wife and mother, a chocoholic, and a lover of all things Neil Diamond. I must also here give props to God. Usually these blogging moments of inspiration seem to come while interrupting me in my sleep at 4:45ish in the morning. However, seeing as I haven’t been doing much of that these days, God’s gotten creative and has decided to inspire me while sitting in traffic. Something, sadly, that I do much more of.

Anyway, now back to Neil Diamond. I should probably be ashamed that I’ve seen him more times in concert than any other band, but I’m really not. From the time I could walk I’ve been stealing walk-mans and hogging “My Diamond” cassettes, cd’s, ect. It’s true, we have photographic evidence. But one of my favorite songs is his rendition of “He Ain’t Heavy; He’s My Brother.”

“The road is long


With many a winding turn


That leads us to who knows where
 Who knows when


But I'm strong
 Strong enough to carry him


He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go


His welfare is of my concern


No burden is he to bear
We'll get there


For I know
He would not encumber me


He ain't heavy, he's my brother”

I’ve always loved these lyrics and stories behind them. There have been numerous accounts as to their origins, each story a little different. Anywhere from a young girl carrying her baby brother to my favorite story, men in the line of battle. Rumor has it that young man’s leg was blown off while serving in active duty. One of his comrades found him on the brink of death, picked him up, and started carrying him towards safety. His savior was shot numerous times due to his slow pace of bearing the man’s heavy load. Finally, after miles, medics arrived for relief rushing to the man. There the doctor looked at him and exclaimed he was lucky to even be alive, how could he have carried such a heavy burden so far. The soldier then looked at the medic and replied, “He ain’t heavy; he’s my brother.”

What a beautiful picture this is of bearing one another’s burdens. But alas, that is not what seems to have brought me to tears. It is also a beautiful picture of giving our burdens to Christ. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all our anxiety on Him because He cares for us. It’s funny how many times I really neglect to do this. Sometimes I feel as if my problems are too messy, too crazy, too much for me to even organize them in a prayer for help. Why would God want to hear about my problems when I can’t even seem to figure out exactly what they are? “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26)

Sometimes, I neglect taking them to God for the simple reason that I’d much rather not think about them at all. It hurts too much. I’d rather ignore them instead of trying to work through them. Or I look at them and think, “There’s worse things going on in this world. I don’t want to waste God’s time on this stupid little thing.” But these are unholy thoughts. God wants to hear from us, no matter where we stand. Just like the song says, our welfare is his concern. If God cares about providing for the birds of the air or the grass of the field, how much more will He provide for us? How much more does He care? We are worth far more to Him than birds. (Matthew 6:25-34).

 

We stand with the ability to directly communicate with the Holy Creator of the Universe and we think He can’t handle our problems? That our burdens are too great? That we are too ashamed of them? Newsflash, He knows them anyway! You’re not hiding anything! We worry so much about our futures and plans and finances and families. Psh! Like we have any control of them anyway! We say things like, “I think I just need to do this.” Or, “I think I need that.” We think too much! As an almost 23 year old I can honestly say I have no freaking clue what I need. So thank God because He does and He’s providing it. The only thing I NEED to do, is do what He says! But its embarrassing how often “listen to God” gets erased from my “To Do” list. In fact, it takes a Neil Diamond song to come on before I finally listen. Before I realize I’ve been harboring these burdens to myself far too long and God says, “Let me have these. I want them. I want all of you. I will take care of them. I already took care of them. I bought them along with you when I went to that cross. You don’t need to worry anymore about them. Just listen to my version of the song, Rachel”:

“The road is long


With many a winding turn


That leads us to you know not where, but I do.


And I'm strong.
Strong enough to carry you…

…And the load doesn’t weigh me down

You ain't heavy, You’re my daughter.

So we go on…”

Confessions of a Late Night Beach Goer...

If you've talked to me for more than five minutes you probably already know I'm a lover of the beach. And I've developed this new love of the beach at night. Hopeless romanticness aside, I also find it to be a place of calm and peace. Even more so at night than in the daytime. It's usually the place I go to escape the chaos that is my school life. And when I leave that soft cool sand, I return to the busy LA world feeling rejuvenated and refreshed. But alas, last night this was not the case.

As I sat there staring at the waves last night I began to cry. It was at this point that I started mentally kicking myself. "Really Rachel? Second week of school is a little early for a meltdown don't you think?" But then again, I'm taking Phycology. A whole semester studying algae is enough to make anyone weep. But what surprised me is what I was crying about. In 8 months I will be graduating and leaving Long Beach. Where I'll end up is a whole other blog entirely, but its like it suddenly dawned on me. I won't be able to just run out to Seal Beach at night. Those California waves will no longer be only five minutes away. I won't have the consistency that is school. My friends here will all be elsewhere. I might even be back under my parent's roof. And don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but I also love my independence. All of a sudden I found myself wishing to be a freshman again. School has been my pattern of life for the past 17 years! What on earth am I going to do?!

I realized time is precious. And these five years that have seemed to go on forever have been nothing but a short blip. That's a terrifying concept to me! I also realized (although I already knew this one) that I loathe, detest, and abominate change. And as the ending time gets closer, I find myself getting more frustrated. Where doors should start to be closing, I'm finding they're still open. Where I should be reaffirming and gaining confidence in my calling, I'm now questioning. And I find myself honestly getting frustrated with God. When it seems like its coming down to the wire and He should start giving me answers I find He has never been more silent. 

It was this same frustration that I left the beach with and propelled me to escape again. So I went to my secret spot. It's this little place right off the northern end of Crystal Cove State park. I first discovered it a few years ago and it has been the perfect place to just think, journal, pray, and listen. Every time I've been there the place has been deserted. I've had at least forty-five minutes to myself before someone else has discovered the road less traveled. I've always thought of it as a sanctuary. But today my sanctuary was breached. Within five minutes, Rocko the miniature poodle was making his way down those dirt steps pulling his pampering owner behind. Being the animal lover, I petted Rocko and secretly resented his owner for disturbing my "God time." 

But as I watched them hike away a new thought hit me. This was not the only sanctuary where unwelcome guests had been. Inside all of our hearts there is this place. It is the place only God can fill. 1 Cor. 3:16 tells us that we are the temple of God and that His spirit dwells in us. It is a Holy, intimate, and sacred place. It is the safest place to be. And we are entirely in control of who enters it. Even Christ Himself stands at the door and knocks (Rev. 3:20) If you ask me, we have too much power. Because the thing is this. I've been letting too many crashers into the party. There's been too many things that I've been using to fill this place. And not all of them bad. Good relationships with people are awesome, but they don't belong in this place. The beach is beautiful, but no amount of ocean water can fill this place. Working out, being adventurous, being studious, having fun may help give you a longer and happier life, but when put inside this sanctuary, it merely becomes a storage shed. 

And I began to realize a few things. First, God has always been a God of last minutes with me. It seems that at the end when I finally give up He steps in and just BAM opens a door. And it's always way better than I could ever imagine. I need to remember this more. Secondly, it may be that God is staying silent right now and just asking me to trust Him, but it could also be He is speaking and is being crowded out. Because this intimate place that He and I have is being filled with a whole lot of junk. And I'm a neat freak! How did I let this happen?! Have you seen my apartment? It's spotless! SPOTLESS! 

So, I reflect again and I realize that places you live may come and go. Circumstances may change. But this sanctuary I will have as long as I breathe. And it's time for a little spring cleaning.

"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock." -Psalm 27:4-5