Confessions of a Gratefully Sore Body...

     I am 100% convinced I have a guardian angel and he should be paid some SERIOUS overtime. I got hit on my bike by someone texting while driving. Her car directly hit my leg, but other than a few scrapes and a little blood I'm perfectly okay. Looking at the impact of my bike on her car they said my leg should have been shattered.

     I walked away from that incident very grateful and thinking it was something I could add to the list of things I've done in my life. Got hit by a car? Check! Although I must admit it wasn't necessarily something I would have purposefully wanted. Anyway, everything checked out alright and I was going to live to ride another day. I gave no more thought to the subject.

     That was until that night. WOW was my body sore! I had a right leg that had a few good stinging scrapes and a left arm that was the victim of a TDAP (I was trying to sound cool with the medical lingo- it's a tetanus shot :/). Plus, I was still recooperating from a bad ankle injury, which had been re-injured with the impact. But it was as I was lying there, griping to myself about how I was so tired of being in pain that the thought occurred to me, my leg hurt. And the fact that it hurt meant it had feeling. And the fact that it had feeling meant I could still walk. All of a sudden I was overcome with the joy of thankfulness. I had been hit by a car and could wake up tomorrow and walk. Not everyone could say that.

     I had been praying earlier that week that God would make me feel alive again. I just felt kind of spiritually blah. And it was at that moment that I realized, I did not die young. God wanted me alive. And He wanted me alive because He has big plans for my life that are still to come. What an exciting hope! And there may be more pain in the future, but it will only serve as a reminder that I'm still alive. It seems the Maker of the Universe isn't quite done with this clumsy Ray Ray yet.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." Psalm 48:14

Confessions of a Purposed Summer Girl...

     Have you ever had that moment when you are doing something you know 100% you are meant to be doing? How did it feel? Did you notice a sense of Joy and Peace? Did it make you excited? Did you find you smiled often for no apparent reason? Has it ever been something you never thought you'd like?

     Growing up my father often repeated the phrase, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I've heard this so many times from him and others it almost seems cliche'. But something that I've realized lately is there is some truth to this.

     Enter my summer. Before leaving at the end of the semester a friend asked if I would be interested in joining the Navigators student ministry team. I was really hesitant. It's not that I'm opposed to serving people, I just wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. And to be honest there was a huge area of self-doubt. "Who am I to lead these people?" Moses once so elequently spoke. But it didn't stop there.

     After about a week of being at home someone in our church approached me and asked me to help her lead a Bible study for junior high and high school girls. My initial response was to say "NO!" Public speaking? No thank you! Leading a bible study? Not for me! Having to be the leader and get to know other girls? I'll pass on the judgement truck thank you. And even if they didn't judge me, can you say socially awkward? Yes, I am. I have no problem admiting it; I know its true. Talking to people freaks me out. All of this to say, it wasn't something I wanted. It wasn't even something I thought I'd be any good at. So I don't really know what prompted me to say "Okay." 

    Well, that was the best half-hearted "okay" I have ever done. I LOVE it! I get so excited for every Tuesday night I'm literally restless with anticipation. God has blessed and blessed abundantly. I have never felt more pure joy. Those girls have been such a blessing to my life! And I never ever thought I'd be there. They have also inspired a whole new era of thankfulness. I look at some of them and say, "I used to think that exact same way! And it was like 4 years ago! Wow! So much has changed! Thank you God for how much you've grown me. And thank you for the growth in them that I've already seen!" I've heard their struggles. I've shared them. And where I once thought I'd be the outcast, I now find fellowship. 

     And did I mention, I get to go to camp with them as well?! Yep! It's back to Jenness Park for Centrifuge! I haven't been there since I graduated high school three years ago! And now I get to go as a counselor? Whoa! I think I'm actually more excited than them. So many of them have never been and I'm like "You guys don't understand the awesomeness that you're headed for!" There will be tears. There will be heartbreaking stories, but there will also be lives changed. There will be healing. There will be an up-close encounter with God.

     All of this to say, I've learned I need to listen to God. His ideas seem crazy at the time. Sometimes they're terrifying. But why so much lack of trust? Did not God say that He only plans good for our lives? (Jeremiah 29:11). But ask Him what your purpose is. Because once you find it, you will find unbelievable blessings! And trust Him. OBEY Him. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if after this summer I will ever be in youth ministry again. I don't know what to do for a career. I don't know if marine biology is really my purpose. And it's terrifying. I'm scared to death I have worked so hard for nothing. I don't know what to do about anything about the future. But I realized, I really haven't been that open to listening to what He wants. I have my own plans and ideals. And they seem pretty good. But I want that joy and peace that comes in knowing, "This is what I was meant to be doing. This is my purpose." I only hope He reveals it soon. I only pray that I have listening ears. 

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:9-12